Johnny falls in love with a girl at his school but she?s dating a rich, spoiled and hot guy. Johnny becomes depressed but his adopted older brother is coming back from a boarding school and he broke up with his girlfriend soon and is seeking out ways to get a new one.

Lovestruck

8 reviews

Tony Edward Samurai · 1,450 pts

Just wanted to second dpg up there -- I always thought that we watch movies to ESCAPE real life... or, maybe more to the point, we want to experience the extremes that real life has to offer, but in the safe environment of a theater/ lounge room or wherever, in order to learn important but dangerous life lessons through a protagonist's catharsis... If not for those lofty purposes, then at least just to escape real life. If I want real life I'll interact with other people in the real world, or I'll watch a documentary.

Movies should give us an emotionally rich and condensed versions of real life... That's why I pay $ to see them -- I don't want to pay for real life when it comes free, knocking on my bloody door at 6:30 am everyday and doesn't leave until I close my eyes at some point, usually late in the PM that night...

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

Charlies Kaufman
...what if the writer is attempting to create a story where nothing much happens...more of a reflection of the real word.

Robert McKee
The real world?.. The real f**king world. First of all, you write a screenplay without conflict or crisis, you'll bore your audience to tears...and why the f**k are you wasting my two precious hours with your movie? I don't have any use for it! I don't have any bloody use for it!

(From the movie Adaptation when the main character attends a seminar by the famous screenwriting guru, Robert McKee.)

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

just so you know when i was thinking about this idea it is supposed to be like real life so there is no real hook or urgency just like everyday life.

Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai · 1,742 pts

A lonely high schooler and his newly single older brother go out looking for love.

What's the hook? The stakes? The urgency? Is it the falling in love with the girl at school that sets the story off, or her hooking up with the popular guy, or the protag being rejected by her?

I'm dubious about the source of his depression. He sounds like a painful character to follow for 90 mins.

ASU Maduro 0 pts

It?s a little wordy and muddled as to who the protagonist is and what they want to accomplish.

danielplagens Penpusher · 130 pts

So, we know that these two brothers are looking to get girlfriends, but that's about it. Which one is the main character? What's going to set the story in motion? You may want to consider trying something like this:

"Johnny falls in love with a girl at school, but she is dating the rich, spoiled star quarterback. To win her over, he goes to his adopted brother, who just broke up with his girlfriend, for advice."