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A screen-obsessed 11-year-old gets trapped inside the dusty book left to him by his Grandfather where he must learn to visualise the fairytale world around him, play through the story, and imagine his way to the very last page.
My thinking is that having a female-male protagonist pairing automatically doubles the potential audience in the youth demographic. (Maybe they are grandchildren of the book's owner.) It also enables the story to play off gender roles, behavior and archetypes for…
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A screen-obsessed 11-year-old gets trapped inside the dusty book left to him by his Grandfather where he must learn to visualise the fairytale world around him, play through the story, and imagine his way to the very last page.
Who/what is the primary antagonist/obstacle in the story world that must be overcome? Suggestion: Amp up the conflict with dual protagonists. A boy and girl must work together to get to the last page of the book -- and freedom.…
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When an illegal immigrant kills her sister, a misunderstood witch must stop the culprit from escaping back to her own land without paying for her crime.
The Wizard of Oz, right?
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After watching his girlfriend struggle with an abusive work environment and her self-esteem coming to shreds over a period of time, an unemployed man who feels indebted to her sets out to confront everyone who mistreats her. Things take a turn when all these people start showing up dead and she becomes the prime suspect of the killings.
As Richiev said. Who is the main character, who owns the spotlight of the story? Who is in the driver's seat of the plot? The man or the woman?
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Humanity huddles on the Ring, desperate to survive; cascades of genetic changes have altered the very nature of the Earth and everything that still lives upon it. What will you do when you discover this is all according to plan?
What will the *main character* do in the situation? That is a question the logline should answer, not pose.
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When two reckless young women witness a drug deal involving a well-respected social media star, they must expose the celebrity before they are killed.
How will exposing the celebrity save their lives? Won't that incentivize the celebrity to kill them?
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With a near-bankrupt Gotham City descending into chaos in the wake of an unjustified police shooting, Lieutenant James Gordon is approached on behalf of a group of Gotham’s bankers to instigate a police-lead coup of Mayor Garcia’s administration and install leadership more favourable to the banker’s wishes so as to restore order to the city.
I don't know how to put it gently, so here's the hard legal and economic truth about prospects for the story concept. DC Comics owns the trademark and copyright for the Batman character. So any representation of the character, such…
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Logline: A hardened cyber crimes analyst must shut down the source of a cursed smartphone app that seems to kill people who use it before the app strikes its next targets, her estranged family.
>>> "seems to kill" Either it kills users or it doesn't. If it only seems to , but doesn't, there's no plot. So, of course, it kills. Period.
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With a near-bankrupt Gotham City descending into chaos in the wake of an unjustified police shooting, Lieutenant James Gordon is approached on behalf of a group of Gotham’s bankers to instigate a police-lead coup of Mayor Garcia’s administration and install leadership more favourable to the banker’s wishes so as to restore order to the city.
As Ninann22 said. Where's the superhero and what's his superpower?
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A self-made businesswoman risks bankruptcy to complete her biggest real estate project, but everything depends on her persuading a single holdout–an eccentric maker of wind chimes–to sell his land.
I don't find any salient fault with the logline. But neither do I find any salient feature. A unique take, an interesting twist such as what SSalvatore asked about, the adversaries fall in love. Or it pits the woman against…
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A mild mannered insurance salesman living in the universe where all action movies takes place gets tired of action heros always crashing everything and wants to make them answer for their latest transgression, without being drawn into the action himself.
Yes, make it personal.
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When AI modelling is able to generate an image of someone’s ‘perfect match’ by scanning their brain, a married man must decide whether to secretly pursue a real-life woman that was mistakenly identified as his match by a social media algorithm when he shared his match image (Black Mirror Spec).
P.S. That the algorithm is buggy is an interesting plot twist, but I suggest it need not be included in the logline. Loglines need not give away the Big Plot Twist and should never reveal a spoiler. IMHO, the concept…
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When AI modelling is able to generate an image of someone’s ‘perfect match’ by scanning their brain, a married man must decide whether to secretly pursue a real-life woman that was mistakenly identified as his match by a social media algorithm when he shared his match image (Black Mirror Spec).
First of all, I think this a cool concept. It has a good story hook -- match making by means of AI brain scans. The story hook is robust. By that I mean that it has the potential to generate…
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Betrayed by his best friend and controller into killing an innocent man, an environmentalist-turned-hitman puts his life in jeopardy when he tries to save the daughter of the man he’s knowingly killed.
>>>save the daughter of the man Literally save her from being murdered? By whom? And why?
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A mild mannered insurance salesman living in the universe where all action movies takes place gets tired of action heros always crashing everything and wants to make them answer for their latest transgression, without being drawn into the action himself.
>>>a more ironic profession for him Yes, that makes sense. Maybe an insurance claims adjuster? He has to sort out who is entitled to how much compensation. And super heroes are super destructive, make his job super hard to do.…
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A socially inept, arrogant Set Decorator with ambition to become a producer, leads an odd-ball crew on a schlocky Sci-Fi TV series and puts everyones job on the line.
Don't set decorators take orders from the show runner, not give orders. So how does he put everyone else's job in jeopardy? And if he does threaten the production of the show, won't the show runner just fire him, hire…
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The Connect
The boy comes off as a weak character, driven by circumstances, "spiritual and surreal signs". The job a *pro*tagonist is to be *pro*active, to sit in the driver's seat steering the plot, not riding along in the passenger seat in…
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A young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.
>>>a desire to experience independece Independence to do what? What, specifically, is her Big Dream?
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A young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.
I think the premise has promise but it needs polishing and fleshing out.
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A mild mannered insurance salesman living in the universe where all action movies takes place gets tired of action heros always crashing everything and wants to make them answer for their latest transgression, without being drawn into the action himself.
What's his motivation? What are the personal stakes for him? He's a *SALESMAN*. More accidents means more demand for coverage, more policies sold, more re-newals -- more premiums he can pocket. He's working in a salesman's heaven.
