Nicholas Andrew Halls

Samurai · 1,742 points

758 points to Mentor

53 loglines
592 reviews

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Samurai

Loglines

When the IRS seize their fortune, an out of touch father takes his pampered wife and snotty children to live in a backwater town they once bought as a joke.

June 28, 2020
When corporate threatens their branch with downsizing, a clueless office manager protects his quirky staff from the news by operating as though nothing has changed.

June 28, 2020
After she’s dumped in a nursing-home because her family can’t afford her care, a meek grandmother and a motley-crew of exploited residents attempt to steal back enough money from the corrupt facility owners to return home.

July 16, 2018
After his brother’s aircraft carrier is destroyed by a mysterious dirigible in the closing days of WW2, a conceited fighter-pilot leads a squadron of misfits to intercept the craft before it reaches its next target: London.

October 7, 2016
When a remorseful vampire is mortally wounded by a ruthless hunter, she leads a team to steal a clean-blood serum from a high security processing facility in order to heal herself for the sake of her four-year-old son.

December 12, 2014
After the legalization of marijuana leads to a dishonest pot-dealer receiving a huge tax bill, the de-motivated must become motivated before he can lead a one man crusade against a clean-cut district attorney to have the drug 're-criminalized'. (Am VERY interested in hearing some alternate titles for this. The punnier the better!)

October 2, 2014
When the fantasy universe he wakes up in turns out to be an hallucination while he’s in a coma, a detached schoolboy must defeat the world’s evil king to regain consciousness; or pass on to the afterlife if he fails.

September 24, 2014
In order to create a replacement ?Master Vampire? after his is accidentally killed, a perfectionist thrall has 48 hours to steal and consume the blood of 100 virgins from a mobile high-school blood bank, before he and his master's other sons' powers wain, and they succumb to mortality.

August 23, 2014
When terrorists kidnap his family, a self-centered pilot is blackmailed into hijacking a plane. But when the flight is delayed and the FBI nab him, he cuts a deal to save the lives of everyone on board by sabotaging the hijacking – at the cost of his family's lives.

August 11, 2014
After a womanising snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure is to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.

July 18, 2014
A desperate father, forced to hijack a plane by terrorists who have his kids, must outwit the resourceful air marshall on his trail after his flight is cancelled and all the passengers are sojourned to a cheap airport hotel.

July 10, 2014
After he?s ordered to destroy a building with civilians inside, a jingoistic drone operator uses a demolition robot to fight his superior officer and allow the civis to escape.

March 10, 2014
A cocksure student and his siblings must covertly recreate their parents' wedding video after accidentally destroying the original two weeks before the tape is needed for a television special honoring their father.

January 29, 2014
A guilt-ridden ex-detective investigates a missing person case tied to a child abduction he failed to solve years earlier, and which may be connected to a doomsday prophecy.

November 7, 2013
A no-nonsense matriarch helps her estranged husband beat his alcohol addiction and repair their marriage for the sake of her son's sanity, after he invites a homeless boy – who thinks he is Peter Pan – to live with them.

November 7, 2013
In order to break an impotence curse placed on him by a spurned witch, a superficial modern-day casanova has one month to make a bookish co-worker fall in love with him … or have the dry spell continue forever.

November 7, 2013
A self-focused haematologist battles thousands of enemies to reach her boyfriend and save their relationship after learning he plans to dump her when he returns from a week long live-action role-playing tournament.

October 10, 2013
An entitled hipster evades a murderous stalker as he sleeps his way to winning a reality television program, after he wishes for his sins to be concealed in an online video.

August 16, 2013
When a village is plagued by beetles that eat colour, an artist grieving the loss of his daughter ventures into the nearby jungle to save a flower which is the only source of a certain shade of blue.

August 16, 2013
Hoping to win her affection, an emotionally stunted middle-manager plans a 21st birthday party for the sister of his recently deceased best friend.

August 15, 2013

Recent reviews

on When the IRS seize their fortune, an out of touch father takes his pampered wife and snotty children to live in a backwater town they once bought as a joke.

Hey - thanks for your response. I was actually trying to write a logline for Schitt's Creek as an exercise. I take your point thought - what's the father's goal? I always find that harder to nail down in shows…
on When a young man is cryogenically frozen for a thousand years, he must come to terms with his new life in a comical future full of robots, aliens, and space travel.

I mean, that's the engine isn't it, and clarifies the tone as well. I wonder though whether there's a more concrete goal that the character pursues, that will drive their actions throughout the series? 'Come to terms with' is kind…
on When their demon-hunting father goes missing, two brothers band together to find him and destroy the demon that killed their mother.

It feels a little like the characters have split goals: find their father and/or destroy the demon that killed their mother. It's clear how he event (father goes missing) connects to one action (find father). But it's not clear how…
on When their husbands leave them to marry each other, two life-long frenemies must overcome their yuppie vs hippie animosity, form an actual deep friendship, and help each other make something rare and special of the third act of their lives.

Is it possible to refocus the action section of the logline to tangible goals that the characters actively seek, rather than the internal journeys the characters will go on throughout the series? What does "make something rare and special of…
on When unscrupulous salesperson Eleanor accidentally ends up in the Heaven-like Good Place in a case of mistaken identity, she must learn to pass as a good person if she is to avoid discovery and be cast into the Hellish torment of the Bad Place.

This could probably be trimmed a bit. Also - no need to give her name in the logline. It's just blowing out word-count. When an unscrupulous salesperson accidentally goes to heaven, she enlists the help of an ethics professor to…
on Hapless new mother Audrey attempts to navigate the pressures and problems of motherhood. This is no easy task, especially with a selfish mother, a workaholic husband, and an oddball mothers group to contend with.

An irk of mine in loglines - don't use characters' names. It's a waste of word count and tells us nothing about character. Instead, use flaw and function. (Unless you're pitching like, a Harry Potter sequel). What is the event…
on When a car accident sends him back to the 1970s a by-the-book, politically correct detective finds himself working in the â€œflying squadâ€, a special crimes unit infamous for using illeagal and brutal tactics.

I think you've bullseyed the series engine. I'd just want to give it a polish on word choice, but all of that is up to personal preference anyway!
on When a pie-maker with the ability to bring people back from the dead, revives his child-hood sweetheart, he and his detective side kick work to find her killer before the killer strikes again.

I think you've nailed the engine of the show. But seeing it written down like that, it's hard to imagine how that story is going to play out over multiple episodes/seasons. Also, it's missing the irony that kind of hooked…
on When corporate threatens their branch with downsizing, a clueless office manager protects his quirky staff from the news by operating as though nothing has changed.

He does only keep it a secret for a couple of episodes.
on Chained together by backwoods people, a wanted bank-robber and his hostage must work together to escape and survive through unknown terrain.

The "backwoods people" part of the logline doesn't necessarily relate in any clear way to needing to survive through unknown terrain. The event doesn't clearly correlate with the action taken to correct it. Perhaps it needs to be clarified, why…
on After 10 years of trying to cure her condition that sends her to a different parallel universe every time she falls asleep, a obsessive girl finds herself returning to an alternate Earth for the first time and must work with an alternate version of her scientist father to discover the secret to controlling her ability in order to return home.

What is making it difficult to find her father? Is there a way to make it seem like her goal is going to be very difficult to attain? Is her time in each universe actually dependent on her sleeping, or…
on When prediction software found on the dark net determines he will die unless he kills a person he doesn?t know, a reclusive software scavenger must find the programme?s designer to alter his fate, but questions if his actions are leading him to his demise or his salvation.

How does the prediction software also give him instructions? Is the fact that his call to adventure arrives via a mysterious prediction software necessary to share in the Logline? If so, could be it more clearly connected to the action…
on In 1970’s New York City, a self conscious awkward pre-teen girl desperately struggles to survive the chaos of her Mother’s drug addicted bipolar mania and fundamentalist religious cult.

Could you drop ?awkward?? I think self- conscious is doing its job. What is the event that sets off the need to survive her mother?s mental illness?
on When society devolves into chaos after the electric grid collapses, an immoral celebrity survivalist leads a group of defrauded fans to defend his remote compound from a ruthless gang of killers who are out to kill him and his family.

From the original logline, I got the sense this was a siege movie - a la Assault on Precinct 13 - where the survivalist and his cronies need to defend their compound? But it sounds from the comments and suggestions…
on After a suicidal client in a rough part of town steals euthanasia drugs, a house-call vet must keep him talking until the police arrive.

Agreed with dpg. It's hard to provide feedback because the dramatic situation isn't clear. Does the Vet want to help the thief, or send them to prison?
on When a plague of supernatural scoundrels menaces a tiny frontier town, its hot-headed deputy is forced to drag his boyfriend out of monster hunter retirement to save the citizens?even if their heroics jeopardize their budding romance.

The word "pests" makes the threat seem inconsequential. I would suggest maybe looking for a more menacing description -- because otherwise the logline reads quite well for me. Only other thoughts are: - is there some way to indicate what…
on When his best friend dies in a drive by shooting, a naive vagrant must escape the harsh streets of his home world to join the galactic armed forces, endure their harsh training and battle nightmarish aliens to become a space knight.

The causal link between event (friend murdered in drive-by) and goal (become space-knight) is unclear. How is the latter response to the former? Is it because, in the rules of your story's universe, the space-knights are some sort of police…
on When a woman is killed after stealing a memory, a washed up detective tracks her killer, who begins to taunt him with more victims and memories.

The mechanics of your story world are hard to grasp from this logline -- perhaps it's worth leaning more heavily on the human and easy to grasp aspect of the story. (Detective must catch a killer). That being the case:…
on Discovering she was only hired to fill a quota, a family-oriented mother bands with other ?tokens? to prove her unappreciative boss wrong by winning a big contract for the firm.

Sounds like it's working. My only suggestions - describing the mother as 'family-oriented' suggests that this will be the flaw that she will overcome (ie. she will need to learn that work must be prioritised over family). Not sure if…
on After nearly dying of a heart attack, a morbidly obese junk-food addict gives herself a year to get in shape to finish the London marathon.

It seems like she solved her problem in the logline ... so I don't need to read the whole script/watch the movie? Besides the tedious difficulty of training for a marathon ... what's the conflict that sustains a feature runtime?