Reviews

32,727

  1. Karel Segers Mentor · 5,093 pts on A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case. ★ Best

    A socially deprived, true crime obsessed man becomes infatuated with a Jane Doe case, and documents his pathetic attempt at inserting himself in her story by solving the case. Great main character in that he has both a flaw and an obsessive drive. The major…

  2. Karel Segers Mentor · 5,093 pts on Revised: Desperate to prove himself worthy of his civil rights activist wife, whom he crippled in an accident, George obsesses about the JFK promise, turning into a delusional quest to prevent assassination.

    Cut the long plot summary. It's barely a summary.

  3. dogger Penpusher · 256 pts on Revised: Desperate to prove himself worthy of his civil rights activist wife, whom he crippled in an accident, George obsesses about the JFK promise, turning into a delusional quest to prevent assassination. ★ Best

    My SOP is not to read plot summaries accompanying a logline. Why? Because the logline has to stand on its own. It must clearly and succinctly state who the protagonist is, the objective goal, the antagonist (or obstacle) and what's at stake. It must hook…

  4. dogger Penpusher · 256 pts on To settle a blood-debt for their fallen friend, three former Marines are pulled into the operation of a corrupt Chicago detective—only to discover they are pawns in a clandestine Star Chamber’s purge, forcing a violent reckoning with the past that created them.

    >>> forcing a violent reckoning with the past that created them. What does that entail? That is, when they discover they are pawns in someone else's game, what exactly do they do about? What becomes *their* game plan? What becomes *their* concrete objective goal?

  5. Stosny Penpusher · 38 pts on To pay off his debts, a former boxer addicted to gambling is coerced by his loan shark into carrying out an attack against a famous footballer just months before the World Cup.

    It's a good story but familiar. Can you incorporate a fresh angle?

  6. Stosny Penpusher · 38 pts on How Does a Spandex Table Cover Improve Event Presentation?

    Put the answer or at least the conflict in the logline.

  7. dogger Penpusher · 256 pts on After an accident cripples the woman he loves, a guilt-ridden young man takes on America’s scars as his own, risking everything to change the course of history and earn the love she freely gives.

    >>>risking everything to change the course of history What does "change the course" of history *look* like on a movie screen? IOW: what is the specific, concrete, objective goal he wants to accomplish?

  8. Hallucigenia Penpusher · 8 pts on 1880s London: As an American assassin struggles with her dead father’s vengeful spirit, a mysterious cult attempts to brainwash her into killing Queen Victoria.

    I'm sorry, but that is the absolute worst critique and interpretation I have encountered.

  9. dogger Penpusher · 256 pts on Convinced that he murdered a priest he caught abusing a child, Henry fractured into two warring personalities, until the insights of his illness help him bring down a dangerous child-trafficking network.

    The unique selling point in this logline is that the protagonist has dual and dueling personalities. But it's not clear to me how the duel complicates the effort to achieve the objective goal. Is one personality opposing and subverting the efforts of the other to…

  10. dogger Penpusher · 256 pts on 1880s London: As an American assassin struggles with her dead father’s vengeful spirit, a mysterious cult attempts to brainwash her into killing Queen Victoria. ★ Best

    In 1880's London, a mentally tormented American woman, brainwashed by a mysterious cult, plots to kill Queen Victoria. (18 words) The cult has to succeed in brainwashing her. At least temporarily to motivate the plot. I don't understand why this would be categorized as SciFi…