danielplagens

Penpusher · 130 points

170 points to Logliner

6 loglines
8 reviews

When a scientist invents a vaccine for a virus that devastated the United States and uses it to build a deadly army, her former student must lead a special forces team to her hidden base in the Rocky Mountains in order to get the vaccine in the right hands.

April 5, 2016
A conwoman sets out to swindle a day trader out of his millions, but when they?re both framed for his wife?s murder, they?ll have to come together to clear their names before they?re thrown in jail or wind up whacked by the day trader?s mobster father-in-law.

March 14, 2016
When a gambling addicted stockbroker is framed for the murder of his wife, he has to team up with a con-woman trying to swindle him out of millions, and who?s been mistaken for his mistress, in order to clear his name or else his mobster father-in-law will have them both whacked.

March 8, 2016
As Nazi forces ready a counterattack after the first wave of the Warsaw Uprising, a scrappy Polish courier must cross the occupied city with three boy-scouts turned soldiers to recruit their battalion for a dangerous mission — liberate a concentration camp before the SS can kill its inmates.

October 2, 2014
A guilt ridden widower searches for his wife’s long estranged mother in order to tell her of her daughter’s death.

February 11, 2014
After the death of her best friend, a teenage girl begins to notice and investigate strange inconsistencies in reality, attracting the attention of a dangerous organization.

January 17, 2014

on An intrepid paleontologist battles deadly beasts on a Jovian moon after being hired by the U.S. government to join an interstellar crew to study an uncovered ancient fossil.

This is interesting if familiar conceptual piece of science fiction. Being more specific in the logline may help it stand out from the classic Alien and from Prometheus. What, exactly, are the deadly beasts trying to do? Obviously protect the…
on When intruders break into her home, the ghost of a paraplegic must save her unsuspecting husband from the intruders? sinister plan that involves planting venomous snakes in the husband?s closet.

While the goal?and stakes are clear, ?I have questions about the setup. How is our ghost going to stop the intruders? Is she a poltergeist? More importantly, why the venomous snakes? I assume these intruders are planning on killing the…
on When Emma discovers that her suave seducer is planning to kill her, she must escape his isolated mountain lodge and track across treacherous terrain while he hunts her down.

This is a pretty well written logline. There's a goal and high steaks. I understand how the story's going to work and the genre. My only question is about Emma. We don't usually need a name in loglines, so I'd…
on As Nazi forces ready a counterattack after the first wave of the Warsaw Uprising, a scrappy Polish courier must cross the occupied city with three boy-scouts turned soldiers to recruit their battalion for a dangerous mission — liberate a concentration camp before the SS can kill its inmates.

I appreciate you looking this over! A (relatively) minor concentration camp was in fact liberated by a battalion of former boy scouts in the early days of the Warsaw Uprising. There aren't very many sources about the people who actually…
on When a submissive guy, working for the mafia, is caught by the police he must help them to put the mafia behind bars to get the girl he really wants.

The whole mafia?! That's a pretty crazy goal! Maybe pull back on this a bit and just have him need to take down a specific person in the mob, presumably a big boss. Who's this girl he wants and why…
on A player afraid of commitments must save the girl he love when she gets kidnapped by one of his other girlfriends

I'm just wondering what you mean by player. I think you mean that he's a womanizer, but as it stands it could also mean he's a professional athlete. I would find a more specific way of describing who this protagonist…
on Johnny falls in love with a girl at his school but she?s dating a rich, spoiled and hot guy. Johnny becomes depressed but his adopted older brother is coming back from a boarding school and he broke up with his girlfriend soon and is seeking out ways to get a new one.

So, we know that these two brothers are looking to get girlfriends, but that's about it. Which one is the main character? What's going to set the story in motion? You may want to consider trying something like this: "Johnny…
on A troubled detective searches for the link between a brutal homicide and a mysterious unsolved case from six years ago, a search that will lead him on a dark journey of obsession, madness and nihilism.

Perhaps consider tightening it up a bit. Aren't unsolved cases by their very nature mysterious? Let's knock that one out right away. The part about obsession, madness, and nihilism, as nice as it is, doesn't tell us anything about the…