"A reckless cop suspects his clean cut partner is actually an off duty vigilante. Upon investigation he discovers his partner is part of a bigger conspiracy and question his own morales by bringing his partner to justice"

Having worked in law enforcement, I can sense interesting dramatic possibilities in the logline, but I can't yet see it. IOW: I can't put my finger on a unique irresistible twist or theme that makes it stand out from the other 1,001 stories written every year about corrupt cops, conspiracies, yada-yada.

Hi Michael,

This sounds cool... but a little dangerous -- IMO... not strictly cliched; the bad (crazy) cop, good (straight) cop buddy movie is almost a genre in itself ...Lethal Weapon/ The Other Guys/ L.A. Confidential/ 48 hours, Another 48 hours... and Good Cop, Bad Cop -- A Canadian film released in 2006 (you might need to look at your title... but your plot sounds completely different ...). The thing that all the aforementioned films have in common, apart from falling into what could be described as the Buddy 'Cop' genre, is that the buddy's always team up to fight the foe in the end, despite their differences -- in fact it's usually because of these differences that they can overcome the antagonist. This is not the case with this movie, as the buddy becomes the antagonist...(unless of course there is some other force behind the 'conspiracy') This could be a hook, but could also come across as messing with the genre implied in the logline (and especially the title). Anyway, it grabs my attention, and I get a good sense of the film... but...

I know I have posted to another of your posts my take on using more than one sentence to describe your film in the logline, but I feel it bares repeating -- again, just all IMO --

You say that pitches are more exciting than loglines... I think they're two different beasts. I also think a well constructed logline of one sentence serves a very good purpose (Query letters, for one...), and can be more exciting and intriguing than a pitch. For me, there is something rhythmic in it, a rise and fall that can (and should) mirror the rise and fall of your story... no need to give away the ending, but should contain: a hero - better with a flaw to overcome, an antagonist standing in the way of an object of desire, and, an inciting incident -- just the one.... IMO, by using two sentences your are providing two inciting incidences, and not that's the world's greatest sin, but to me feels clunky (much like my waffle here ;))

... Good luck with it, and for FWIW:

'A reckless cop must bring his masquerading clean cut partner to justice when he discovers he's a vigilante working for a large sinister conspiracy'.

Yeah, I think we're all guilty of writing loglines that are too long ... but that's kind of the point of this site, right? We put up a draft, we get feedback on what works and what doesn't, then we resubmit it? Try and whittle it down to the absolutely essential, most primal version of your core concept?

Point taken on genre specific wording. I get what you were trying to do there. I'd actually probably switch back to loose-cannon now that I know.

As far as writing cliche - I don't know whether you have or you haven't. But if you were trying to sell ME this film (to clarify, I'm an amateur writer in Sydney, I couldn't help you make the movie if I wanted to) I would listen to this logline and think "meh, I've seen it before. Cop finds out that everyone is corrupt, got to bring down the whole system."

All I can try to do is give you my honest feedback, so that hopefully once you receive a wide enough series of responses, you can decide what DOES and DOESN'T work about your logline (and perhaps story?)

Regarding the revision:
What is the bulk of the action going to consist if in this story? Questioning your morals ... what does that look like, on screen? What's the outer goal, specifically? I still can't really see your film.

This is much better

I've adjusted it

Definitely no Act 3 information, but then most of these loglines I've been reading don't. And if it was given to you there's no follow up interest by someone wanting to finance or know more about your idea or your work. They see the idea as final and make a final, if not impersonal, decision based on that one paragraph. When you're pitching something, and don't fool yourself, that's what you're doing... don't give it all away in the first submission.
It's not my first rodeo.
Also, I think the site should be opened up to pitch lines also, which are more exciting than a logline anyway. Most of the submitters are doing that anyway.

So based on the 2 acts I've given the protagonist does this:
Act 1: Suspects
Act 2: Uncovers