When a delusional shut-in discovers that his favorite webcam model has been kidnapped, he must utilize his detective skills to locate her before she becomes another victim of a rampant madman.

The White Knight

41 reviews

Byron 0 pts

I liked the detective skills part myself, it leads one to wonder if the shut-in might actually leave his house to do the investigation.

Valentin Samurai · 2,423 pts

Somebody beat you to it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2503154/

I would avoid to use favorite porn webcam model in the logline.
That make the protagonist seedy and creepy.
A reluctant h?ro is common, but a main character who the spectator does not respect is a big NO, NO.

Presario2200 Penpusher · 180 pts

Kidnapped by a gang of sex traffickers, a lonely neurotic nerd must save his favorite web-cam girl from them.

Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai · 1,742 pts

"When a deluded shut-in's favourite wedcam model is kidnapped, he takes it upon himself to rescue her from ... "

How does he know it's a rampant madman who has her? Or is he just guessing?

"... a notorious serial killer."

The stakes are a LITTLE unclear - I went with a notorious killer, because he could have heard this on the news, and then the implication is that her life is on the line - but I presume he equates his infatuation with her as love, and that if he rescues her she'll be smitten with him as well?

I think the idea has legs, just want this logline to be more streamlined, and possibly to have those questions clearer in the logline.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

I knew I had seen a similar logline somewhere.
Amazon Studio had a competition on scripts and the winner had a script based on the very same premises.
It is called: I think that Facebook friend is dead.
It is supposed to be in rewrite before shooting.
Here is the link:
http://studios.amazon.com/projects/5046

Presario2200 Penpusher · 180 pts

http://ncis.wikia.com/wiki/NCIS_(series)

duckturtle 0 pts

Again...thanks for all the feedback everyone.

duckturtle 0 pts

Actually, that's one of the scenes in my script. Him trying to convince the cops was one of my favorite scenes to write.

duckturtle 0 pts

Unfortunately, I don't watch NCIS, so you'll have to fill me in.

Valentin Samurai · 2,423 pts

I would suggest something along the line.
I think that there was a CSI:New-York based on the same concept.
I would suggest something like:
After witnessing live on webcam the kidnapping of his only friend, a socially awkward genius must overcome his agoraphobia and use his investigative skills to save her from human traffickers.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

His only friend is the girl. She despises him for his odd desires, but for the money she is willing to just play a simple unspoken lonely game with him every day at exactly the same time.
When a reclusive gamer, obsessed with a web-cam porn model, witnesses her kidnapping live online, he uses his unique gaming prowess to outwit and track down her attackers."
Once rescued, her opinion of him and her own self image have changed. He, too, has changed having engaged the real world and discovering a deeper meaning of love.
A strangely dark, bittersweet tale.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Ahhhh...
This has a trickle of Bickle to it!
Very dark

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

..."(this is a bit of a mess...) -- as in -- my spin...not yours ;)

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Just for what it's worth etc...(this is a bit of a mess...as you could start it with "After witnessing... etc etc etc... also -- I just like the idea of this social loser trying to convince the cops of what has happened, but they just don't believe him -- so he takes it on himself -- anyway -- as above -- best of luck -- very cool!)

"When a reclusive gamer, obsessed with a web-cam porn model, witnesses her kidnapping live online, he must use his gaming prowess to track down the kidnapper himself when the apathetic cops (or apathetic cop) fail(s) to help."

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Hi Duckturtle --

Great idea -- can really see this. Despite playing with the hero's descriptor, my only suggestion would be to change the inciting incident of him DISCOVERING the kidnap, to WITNESSING it -- more visual etc..

Best of luck.

JayK Penpusher · 15 pts

He is totally absorbed by online games and his porn soul mate. His hidden skill (which he has to uncover and modify for the real world) is solving games/puzzles. He can "detect" by identifying patterns and solving puzzles that no one else can see. Perhaps he is almost a Rainman type of savant, who seems "useless" but who alone is able to track down and save his love.