After a twisted psychopath is murdered, an evil entity targets the current lineage of those responsible to husk, and kill them to sate his revenge.

I've no idea what 'shucking means' - so it depends - do you expect your readers / producers / directors to look up words in their dictionaries - or do you only want to attract those who know the word. Being English (forgive me) it just reminds me of shucks and Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Movie sounds cool though, like Children of the Corn.

Isn't that the whole idea? To stir your imaginings by using words and phrases that are not cliche? "Skinning" has been done; "shucking" is fresh, nasty and just sounds more painful!

Why not just say "skinning" his prey alive instead of "shucking". Shucking makes me think of oysters not people.

Wereviking: I believe the "hook" and ironic twist are two different things. The "hook" CAN be an ironic twist, but an ironic twist is not necessarily the hook. The hook is the part of your story that separates it from all of the others in that genre. In this story, to me, it sound sas if the "husking" or shucking of the victim's skin, while alive, is a particularly gruesome way to die (or NOT die), and plays into the location, State of Nebraska- United States- which is known for, among other things, their rolling cornfields. One picks and shucks the "husks" of corn, so I imagine it is a play on that.

McCreedy- I appreciate using my suggestion as a model for the new logline, although it is not necessary. I personally do not think "young, mid-western" is either intriguing or original. Might want to find other characteristics about her to use to describe her. This is where the irony comes in. Imagine a college professor without a HS diploma; a marriage counselor who has been divorced seven times; a kindergarten teacher who hates kids; an English princess who runs off to live with an American plumber in a trailer park (one of my comedies, "Royal Flush")...

Shucking? Not sure what the aversion is to a straight-forward "skinning". Is it just the means of killing? Would be cool to do more with it than that. Is that who your protagonist was already or has she just emerged through the logline process? Some hook or what the Americans call an ironic twist still seems to be missing.

All your comments have been super helpful, Please continue. How do you feel about this revision?

"A young mid-western woman is stalked by the spirit of a murdered psychopath who seeks his revenge by shucking his prey alive."

"After a twisted psychopath is murdered, an evil entity targets the current lineage of those responsible to husk, and kill them to sate his revenge."

I would recommend doing away with the old english "sate"- satisfy, satiate, fulfilled, cloy, content, pall, quench...

I'm not sure the fact that the victims being kin to the original killers is necessary for the log. The "hook", I think, is the method of the killing- the husking of the victim's skin. Since it is the hook (IMO) I would highlight that.

The ancestral part of the story will envelope as the story is told. If it takes place in Kansas or some mid-west town, it will be more shocking and also ironic, due to the nature of harvesting corn, their main crop. I added "alive" to make it that much more horrific. I certainly hope it IS a horror concept, and not a comedy...

"A (adjective- unwitting Kansas?) farmgirl is hunted by the spirit of a tortured criminal, who seeks revenge by "husking" the skin of his victims- alive."

Good luck with the project. Sounds like fun and games :)

@wereviking
@Karel Segars

Thank you both for your feedback. The word Husk, as is, is both a noun and a verb, which IMO, does make it somewhat difficult to use as a descriptive. I keep wanting to say 'Husks", just doesn't sound right. lol! So please tell what you think of this one.

A twisted psychopathic entity reaps the skin of the kin of those that murdered him to sate his perverted form of justice.

This isn't Ed Gein.

I think you need to find a more direct way to explain the plot device with the "husk" as I have no idea what this means. He wears their skins or possesses their bodies? Why and to do what?

After twisted psychopath is murdered, an evil entity targets the current lineage of those responsible to husk, and kill them to sate his revenge.

Who is the main character?

I find it confusing that the active character is labelled 'evil'. In any case, we need a much clearer picture of who is going to be the central character in this story - and the audience will need to be able to empathize with this character. So I'm not sure if 'it' can be evil.

Finally, avoid typos or omissions. It should read "After a twisted psychopath". A logline is only 25 words or less... Try not to make a mistake in such a short text.

So the murdered psychopath's 'entity' (meaning spirit or ghost) is a skin harvester? Does he make lamp shades?

Ok, I suppose this is more concise, in plainer words?

After a twisted psychopath is murdered, his entity targets the present-day kin of those responsible in order to kill them and husk their skin for revenge.

The entity is the man who her father helped murder. What are your thought?

"an evil entity targets the current lineage of those responsible to husk" -- Say what?

Is this about a corn borer going after genetically modified corn (GMO)? So.. the murdered guy is an entity - - a spirit or a ghost and not a corporation or department? Entities are not necessarily animate, so why not say what you mean? For me, this logline is way too obsfucated,