Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
Title: Call of the Mermaids.
Genre: Fantasy.
Aserme was caught in the net of a fishing trawler. Her sisters try to find her, aided by some humans the search is intensified. But her father King Neptune wants her back, now. Regardless of the cost.
sharkeatingman,
strangely enough I did think about writing it as screen capture, but changed my mind and wrote it to be normal. I thought the underwater scenes might appear less than good. Thanks for your comments, even though I didn't say so, they are helpful.
The antagonist is the guy who finds her in the net on the fishing trawler, oddly enough his first thoughts are, how much will I get for her.
The protagonists are the humans who help find Aserme.
Karel Segers,
up until,'Now he is getting angry', is act 1 material, act 2 deals with finding Aserme. Act 3 has what he does when his anger is released.
Sharkeatingman has made a pretty good analysis of your logline and the recommendations make sense. Check out our section on how to write a logline and you'll understand.
Here is another issue with the logline: apart from "now he is getting angry", everything is in past tense. This suggests that either this stuff is backstory or Act 1 material.
In other words, all you're promising for Act 2 is an angry character.
Again, I suspect the issue is not your story but the logline.
Read some of the other loglines on this site and their related comments. You'll figure it out pretty quickly.
Yes, of course it does. These things have to be clear, as these are the questions the producers will be looking to satisfy.
Here is how the process works, generally speaking: you write a screenplay, and you send it out, or somehow an agent or a producer reads the hears of it. The logline is USUALLY the only thing they read to determine if they want to read the script. That's it- the logline. This is why this very site was created. This is why there are businesses that do nothing BUT create loglines for people.
My comment about the Neptune Society was partially in jest. I assumed it was a going to be an animated children's story, of sorts, then I started thinking how unique it would be to make it live action, like "Mermaid" did. My thoughts got away from me. Clearly you have your own story, already in place, and I wish you nothing but the best for it.