by Donn Curbow · Wordsmith · 315 pts
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On his last drop a Vietnam fighter pilot bails out injured and allows a permisquios young nurse bent on passion to get in between his country, his wife, and his death.
On his last drop a Vietnam fighter pilot bails out injured and allows a permisquios young nurse bent on passion to get in between his country, his wife, and his death.
A young Vietnam fighter pilot while dying can't let go of the one he loves but allows a permisquios young nurse bent on helping to peel back the missing pieces of boyhood.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Got_His_Gun
Its funny how I've never read one book in my life from cover to cover..just cant..but reading this short info is good knowledge and almost similar to what I wrote with differences of course...I think losing all his limbs is more dramatic but the way mine is filmed he's already dead..you just dont know it.
thanks for the info
Curbs
Hi Donn Curbow,
I think you take a good subject. This is not the same story at all, but I think you could find interesting things into "Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo
Hope this can help.
A young Vietnam fighter pilot while dying can't let go of the one he loves and allows a permisquios young nurse bent on helping to peal back the pieces of boyhood so that he may accept death.
A Vietnam fighter pilot looks back on his life as he is dying of his wounds and recalls the love of his life, military service at Fort Shafter, Hawaii and a permisquios young nurse bent on pealing back the pieces of his life so that he may accept death.
As I look again, I think the conflict is between the character and his mother...her not knowing when he left the home for the military whether or not he would be ok. I think it's the sorrow a mothers feels that most don't show.
More later..let me think about it.
>>he may forgive death.
Rather: accept death. But he's almost dead meat anyway, so whether he accepts death or not won't change the trajectory of his life. But, per the "English Patient", what he does could change the trajectory of other people's lives. Plot is about change.
It's also about conflict. Conflict is a sin qua non of drama. What's the central conflict of the story?
A Vietnam fighter pilot looks back on his life as he is dying of his wounds and recalls the love of his life, military service at Fort Shafter, Hawaii and a permisquios young nurse bent on pealing back the pieces of his life so that he may forgive death.
I'm going to have to go watch that movie..I've heard of it..just never watched it.
It's truly just a love story in a period of a man's life...pictured in classic 1954 view.
I guess you could say La Bamba..sad in the beginning..good middle..and sad ending.
"A Vietnam vet looks back on his life as he is dying of his wounds"...yep..but the audience doesn't know that..they don't see him die or dying. They see an accident and then months later he gets off a bus in Hawaii on the hospital for a check up.
Reminds me of "The English Patient". But in that movie, the plot is not about the Count lying around, reminiscing about the great love affair of his ill-fated life until he dies of his wounds.
Those are his circumstances. The plot is about the Count's need to complete unfinished business in his life. His need to explain what really happened, how hard he tried to save the woman he loved, to clear his name of a charge of betrayal, to effect forgiveness and reconciliation.
So far, I get a glimpse of circumstances in this logline: A Vietnam vet looks back on his life as he is dying of his wounds.
What's the plot that grows out of those circumstances? That is, as a result of his mortal wounds, what does he need to do before he dies? What unfinished business must he conclude? (For the sake of the woman he loves?)
Target Audience:
Viewing 16-30
Historical 30-75
When a soldier is mortally wounded in Vietnam, he replays his life in the military and with his true love by his side, the painful wait for death gives way to a permisquios young nurse.
Not seduce in the way of sex..Im wording it wrong..or better yet..ill rephrase it..couple of minutes
Who is your target audience?
>> reunites with his one true love, and manages to let a movie star seduce him before burial.
Do you really think that half the potential viewing audience -- women -- will find this appealing, uplifting?
What is the strongest possible choice your character (or you or me or anyone for that matter) could make on his death bed? My point is that if you intend your story to be life affirming -- and I presume that is your intention -- then is getting laid by a movie star the strongest choice he could make that is life affirming to the potential viewing audience (again, 1/2 of whom are women)?
When a soldier is mortally wounded in Vietnam, he replays his life in the military, reunites with his one true love, and manages to let a movie star seduce him before burial.
Before death I take my character back 18 months to 1954 and add in events that fulfill him and to give the audience a view that his life was meaningful, but reality within his mind is dying..so on one hand he's having headaches..and having to choose between two women..and losing control.
It's a view from a mom into a son's life at the end of his bed and try's to grasp that he found everything in life to be great. In the end he's thinking about the girl next door, but throws in a movie star he loves.
This is my throwback to 1954 Hawaii and my research shows it to be nostalgic, beautiful and full of life and I believe we need a movie like this.
So.... the story is all in his head? Freudian wish fulfillment?
Again, what's the point? What dramatic need would drive him to do this?
Whatever the point is, it feels like a bummer mind trip. On his deathbed, he seems to make the wrong choice ("shine off his one true love") for a foolish fantasy ("let a movie star seduce him before burial")? Why would I want to root for, to sympathize with anyone who "shines off his one true love", who makes a deathbed choice like that?
Feels like I got hit with a left and a right...lol
When a soldier is killed in Vietnam, he replays his life in the military, shines off his one true love, and manages to let a movie star seduce him before burial.
>>childhood friend or movie star fantasy.
Well, which one is it?
And I'm about as confused as before What's the plot? And what's the point of the movie, the dramatic theme you are exploring?
Frankly, the setup seems contrived, has nothing to do with either a particular character or theme. It seems to me it could just as well be that he's shot in Iraq or Afghanistan and in the few seconds before he dies...
Or shot while walking down a street in Seattle and in the few seconds before his dies....
Or he's struck by a car and in the few seconds before he dies...
Or his parachute fails during a jump and in the few seconds before he dies...
Or OD's on heroin in NYC on the night before the Superbowl and in the few seconds before he dies...
I just don't see what is so compelling, so unique about this logline that it would make me want to read the script or invest serious money in filming it.
fwiw
Unless you add some tension or connection with your hero's death, the Dallas cop out trick 'it was just a dream' may be a big let down for the audience. You need resolution inside the dream sequence, but more importantly outside of it.
When a serious injury causes him to hallucinate, a young soldier dreams of seducing and marrying the woman of his dream: the most famous actress.
The movie star fantasy just to let you know is Doris Day.
Seconds before death, a wounded soldier gets one last chance at finding love from his childhood friend or movie star fantasy.
The problem with "unimaginable" is it doesn't describe the wounds at all. And Vietnam - is this set in the 70s or 60s? I also don't think him being in an induced coma matters here. What matters is STORY.
You could say the same thing in a fraction the number of words: Seconds before death, a wounded soldier gets one last chance at love when ___________________.
Now, it still needs more detail - how does this love come to him. Is this a long-lost love, a life review, or what happens? Keep it short and sweet. And simple.
Have you seen the movie "Jacob's ladder"?
Sorry to spoil the ending for you but your logline is pretty much the premise of that film, except that it is hidden in a mysterious conspiracy that is a complete misdirection.
However I must admit your logline is very confusing. It also does not give any indication of what the movie is about.
