When viciously harassed during an online game, reticent Kara befriends a nice-guy who comes to her defence, but as she begins to suspect his dark motives Kara must expose him before the game becomes fatal.

I second Daniel's comments. The general concept is sound, with the exception of the action component.

Kara (BTW, you usually don't want to use names in your logline) will have to battle Mr. Nice face-to-face. What leads up to that ? how does he know where she is? Does she detect unwarranted charges against her bank account and then realize he could have picked up her address that she'd stored on her hard drive?

And how will she have to change/grow to be able to defeat him?

Although I'm not a suspense kind of viewer, your initial concept is one I'd like to follow and see grow.

?.........j

The basic premise sounds like it could be interesting, but you've bogged it down with adjectives and adverbs that don't help here. The above reply you got was excellent but you need to concentrate on what she does. Also, where does most of the action take place? Because right now I'm just picturing someone sitting in front of a computer monitor, which from a film stand point, isn't that compelling. So I think you might need to hint more at what she does that indicates a bigger world.

Too dense. Let's break down the story elements --

1. Kara viciously harassed during an online game
2. Kara befriends her rescuer
3. Kara begins to believe her rescuer has sinister motives
4. Kara must expose him before the game turns fatal

-- and tick of the typical logline elements:

1. Protagonist - Kara
2. Antagonist - Nice Guy
2. Protagonist's internal problem - too meek
3. Protagonist's external problem - she's the only one who knows his sinister plans and, presumably, she needs proof to convince others
4. Stakes and ticking clock - if she doesn't act, the game will turn fatal
5. Conflict - weakly hinted at via "must expose him".

So we've got most of what we need for an effective logline. The story spine -- the path the story will chart -- is "Kara must expose him before the game becomes fatal." That's your story bedrock.

One thing begging for clarification is the game itself. With "the game" undefined we have nothing to frame our expectations. Is this an online MMO? An ARG?

Is this a movie you'd go see?

"A timid gamer girl falls for the man who saved her from vicious online bullies. When she learns he'll use a live-action alternate reality game to kill for real, she must stop him -- and the only way is to play."