A mistake with social media foils a couple's plan for an intimate wedding when thousands of Facebook "friends" unexpectedly flood a small town to celebrate their marriage.

The overall concept could work, but I would make some tweaks.
If the numbers of Facebook friends is greater than 4, then we would not able to know them. So a lot of comedic aspect of having eager misfits turning up would be lost. So why not change it to former lovers who believe that they have been given a second chance?
If you want to keep that great number of friends, then go full tilt. Make them former celebrities or minor royalties who now value their privacy. That announcement creates a media frenzy: everybody chase them for a piece of them. Their former managers want to monetize the moment. Their local friends who were in the dark about their status suddenly try to cash in on their proximity.

I like it. It has instant comic imagery and drama to it. I would change thousands to hundreds for more believability though.

I like it. It has instant comic and dramatic imagery. The believability is a bit off though. Hundreds of facebook friends instead of thousands of facebook friends would be more plausible.

>> that is the usual formula

Because it works. There is also the variation on the odd couple where differences complement more than clash. As in "Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid". Butch is the brains, the visionary; Sundance is the talent with the gun. They squabble incessantly, they see things differently, but fundamentally they are so simpatico, there's no threat of them splitting up. Also known as the 'buddy genre', it can work for love stories (as long as the loving couple have something to incessantly squabble over--the essence of drama is conflict!)

Anyway, I love the premise. Best wishes with your writing!

Tony/dpg -a valid point that I'll try to explain:

The couple is trying to isolate themselves from their past notoriety...so although they are currently trying to lead a private life they weren't doing so previously. This allows them to have thousands of FB friends but still be social recluses. (My current beat sheet has the man as a former famous D-I college football player and the woman as a former beauty pageant contestant--think A.J. McCarron and his lovely girlfriend. @10AJMcCarron @_KatherineWebb) After college in an effort to get out of the glaring spotlight the two ran off to a small town to settle down together. Now, a year later, they are getting married and accidentally send out the invite to all the people that mobbed them for four years that they tried to get away from. (Part of my outline goes into the fact that the two of them never actually ran their FB pages and left it to a manager who used it to heighten their notoriety.)

I do take your point dpg about the conflict between the two main characters. I'll have to mull over whether I need to differentiate them it that respect. However, because that is the usual formula (the Odd Couple formula) I was hoping to differentiate this story by making both partners have the same fatal flaw. In my notes it is the fact that they both are the same rather than different that brought them together and (hopefully) will bring them back together after all the craziness that comes from this wedding tornado. I want both of my characters making glaring mistakes and the same ones as their partner--the idea being men and women are a lot more alike than we think. But then again, maybe that is an erroneous idea--I'll think on it.

Thanks again for all the input!

... Or is it kettle of fish?? Pretty sure that bears aren't Catholic... ;)

Yep -- opens up a whole new kettle of worms...

A good idea and ironical twist, Tony! Given that many people who have thousands of Facebook "friends" have few or nill face-to face friends.

... But WOULD heighten your stakes... ;)

Maybe if you kept your original, but made the couple "terminally shy/ socially awkward..." or something... ? You would then have your sizzle but also with heighten the stakes... Would still be under 30 words...

Okay, indecisiveiness certainly works as a flaw. However if both the principals are indecisive, while that creates complications (events going amiss because of the flaw) how does it work to create conflict between them?

In romcoms, the rubric is that opposites attract--that's the go-to source of conflict and humor. One is indecisive, the other is decisive. One is sloppy, the other is neat. One is never on time, the other is always on time. Complications and comedy ensue.

But if both are indecisive, where is the flash point arising from character contrast? What is the nature of the character conflict between them-- the wedge that threatens to destroy their love, sabotage the wedding?

Dpg--thanks for the feedback but I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at here...You think the logline should more pointedly address that it is their own fault this heap of chaos falls down upon them? (Is that due to my previous mention that they are their own antagonists?) I'm wondering if it might make sense to beat it out (rebeat) in order to clarify where the antagonistic juice comes from?

The fatal flaw that both characters are going to have (along with others of course) is indecisiveness--that is why they didn't get the invite out until extremely late and why they didn't retract it after they discover their mistake. This indecisiveness becomes more and more pronounced as the story goes along (the wedding planning essentially gets taken over by the newcomers when new venues etc need to be found/ex lovers can't just be ignored/old friends drag them back into bad behaviors because they just can't say no) and this of course leads to the crux decision of going through with the wedding.

Thanks for all the feedback!

I dunno. The latest version somewhat buries the lead, the hook that, imho, distinguishes your logline.

In many loglines the inciting incident is external to the character ("When a meteor threatens to strikes the earth...", "When a plague of zombies breaks out...") and/or beyond a character's control ("When a milquetoast chemistry teacher discovers he has inoperable cancer...").

But in your logline, it seems the inciting incident is self-inflicted. Which suggests a character flaw with consequences that will test the marriage with future crises, not just the one they have created for their wedding day. They're in love, but they seem to be their own worst enemies, to themselves, to each other. To wit, they are their own antagonists. But I'm just groping here. I'm not sure what the flaw might be.

Best I have for tonight:

A happy couple's wedding is suddenly in jeopardy when they accidentally send an invitation to thousands of their Facebook "friends" who show up during the festivities and force the couple to reassess their commitment.

Interesting discussion, GREAT concept. I suddenly have this scene in my head that the couple elopes and marries in a small church in another town, while the 'friends' have a great party and freak out when they discover the couple is missing. They find them blissfully happy - and married - eating sushi in a Japanese restaurant close by. I know, that's another film, but I thought I'd share.

This is what I have so far:

A couple is forced to deal with a lifetime of baggage over a single weekend when their wedding invite is accidentally sent to thousands of Facebook "friends" who show up and jeopardize the festivities.

Thanks guys! Yes, I think I've been using this as an "elevator pitch" (to steal a phrase) and the response has been immediate understanding that as a wedding story there are lots of things that can go wrong and folks list all the different elements I plan to include themselves. (Additionally, people seem to immediately get that having all your FB friends in one actual physical place invites chaos.) The problem is that my story is implied and not explicitly stated which is really what my logline should do. (I think anyway.) I need to tell you what is going to happen in this story that makes it different from the other wedding Rom/Coms you've seen before as you already can see what is similar. I'm struggling a bit to reformat it, but I should come up with a decent rewrite by tomorrow. Thanks for your input, it has been incredibly helpful! Who knew writing a single sentence could be so hard...

>> I just don?t see the STORY,

I concede your point. In my mind the inciting incident set up so many possible, amusing possible story lines I would want to read the script to find out which one the writer chose. Others, of course, may respond differently.

The prudent course is to lay out a specific course for the story, i.e., what the characters MUST do as a result of the predicament created by the inciting incident.