A young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.

4 reviews

dpg 112,231 pts

>>>a desire to experience independece

Independence to do what? What, specifically, is her Big Dream?

dpg 112,231 pts

I think the premise has promise but it needs polishing and fleshing out.

Ninann22 288 pts

After reading the Logline it’s not completely clear. it’s missing conflict, antagonist force and the protagonist goal. Ask yourself this. What is the one thing that will drastically change the protagonist life? What is stopping her? The ultimate goal? It has to be more than day to day life. It has to grab the reader and the audience attention. It’s a comedy so this is great time to get creative. I mean does she have to stay at her horrible job? Is there a love interest that is keeping her there, or maybe planning revenge on the management. Keep thinking about the possibilities.
Keep it up.