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1880s London: As an American assassin struggles with her dead father’s vengeful spirit, a mysterious cult attempts to brainwash her into killing Queen Victoria.
I'm sorry, but that is the absolute worst critique and interpretation I have encountered.
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When his beloved community website suddenly disappears, a stubborn story scientist must fight bureaucracy and greedy corporations to regain control of his domain and bring the site back to life.
Somewhat inspired by recent loglines, eh?
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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
My characters is nothing like that. This is what I went with: After developing the first faster-than-light spaceship, a rebellious scientist must fight off corrupt governments and greedy corporations who will stop at nothing to steal the technology for themselves.…
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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
#4 tweaked: After the richest man in the solar system successfully develops a faster-than-light spaceship, he struggles to find a colonizable world even as he fights off corrupt governments and greedy corporations looking to steal the technology for themselves.
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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Draft #4: After the richest man in the solar system successfully develops a faster-than-light spaceship, he struggles to find a colonizable world as corrupt governments and greedy corporations attempt to steal the technology for themselves.
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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Draft #4: slight tweak After the richest man in the solar system successfully develops a faster-than-light spaceship, he struggles to keep corrupt governments and greedy corporations at bay as they attempt to steal the technology for themselves.
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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Draft #3: After the richest man in the solar system successfully develops a faster-than-light spaceship, he must keep corrupt governments and greedy corporations at bay as they attempt to steal the technology for themselves.
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The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Here's a rewrite: The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but must fend off, fight, and negotiate with every power mad government and greedy corporation who will stop at…
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An ex-cop with PTSD, hired to avenge the murder of a child, is partnered with an artificial intelligence, but soon discovers the intelligence could be lying and must find the truth before another child dies.
I like your arrangement a lot. Let's see... Hired to avenge the murder of a child, an ex-cop with PTSD is partnered with an unreliable AI to find the killers before another child dies.
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An ex-cop with PTSD, hired to avenge the murder of a child, is partnered with an artificial intelligence, but soon discovers the intelligence could be lying and must find the truth before another child dies.
Form? Do you mean how is it presented? It's a voice inside of a car that it controls and is chauffeuring the MC through the job.
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An assassin embroiled in a plot against Queen Victoria is psychically attacked by a mysterious cult, flooding her mind with memories from a madman and inflaming her to pursue the cult’s destruction.
Ah! I see. The cult isn't trying to make the assassin destroy them. The assassin's reaction is to destroy them as revenge for attacking her. It is an unintended side effect. But on that... The segment "and inflaming her to…
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An assassin embroiled in a plot against Queen Victoria is psychically attacked by a mysterious cult, flooding her mind with memories from a madman and inflaming her to pursue the cult’s destruction.
Not trying to be snippy, but how do you get to the assassin being a part of the cult that attacked her?
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An inexperienced businessman is forced to choose between allowing his only investor to torture the startup’s artificial intelligence product or hold to his ethics and risk losing the company.
Wow. Thank you.
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An inexperienced businessman is forced to choose between allowing his only investor to torture the startup’s artificial intelligence product or hold to his ethics and risk losing the company.
The former.
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To stave off financial ruin, an inexperienced businessman assumes control of a startup to complete their artificial intelligence project while suffering ever changing investor demands.
Another tweak: After the founder dies, an inexperienced businessman assumes control of their startup to complete their artificial personality project even as the investor demands grow more chaotic.
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To stave off financial ruin, an inexperienced businessman assumes control of a startup to complete their artificial intelligence project while suffering ever changing investor demands.
Tweaking: To stave off financial ruin, an inexperienced businessman assumes control of a startup to complete their artificial intelligence project under pressure from ever changing investor demands.
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After a road accident, a young malcontent finds himself legally bound to the whims of a narcissistic billionaire who aims to break him as a person.
That's great. That definitely pushes hard towards an ending. I really like it.
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After a road accident, a young malcontent finds himself legally bound to the whims of a narcissistic billionaire who aims to break him as a person.
After causing an accident, a poor young man finds himself bound to the increasingly chaotic whims of a bored billionaire. I think emphasizing the accident (the incident) puts more stress (in both senses) on the nature of their relationship. Also,…
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An independent inventor develops the first faster-than-light drive to take humanity to the stars, usurping a solar system of greedy corporations and vengeful governments.
Bingo.
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The survivor of a failed space mission must prove his loyalties between the bizarre inhabitants of an asteroid colony and the mad doctor who controls the colony or face certain death in the void of space.
Cool.
