When women are refused jobs at the city's largest company, a group of women must overcome backward attitudes, language barriers, poverty and tradition to ignite a community battle from the factory gates to the highest courts, for equality.

BHP was the biggest employer down there. Wollongong is a good trip to Sydney. Perhaps start with the women's dilemma. "When woman from a small coast community are denied employment from to town's large employer, a global corporation. They fight back from the fence to the highest court".

I wasn't sure why they just didn't move on in your first version.

Thanks all for feedback. Indeed we are 'prosecuting' the idea! The project is in development, see www.JobsForWomenfilm.com

A little background - it's a true story, that began in 1980 in Wollongong, Australia, where women were outright refused jobs by BHP, a mega company which was the richest corporation in Australia at that point. In Wollongong BHP employed 20,000 people (96% men, the women could work in the canteen or as secretaries), and the steelworks and the mines provided over 80% of the jobs...so if women couldn't get jobs there, they were basically stuffed. Wollongong was/is a very working class city, with a fairly strong union history and tight knit community.

In terms of other feedback:

- 'too detailed' - agree, but what to cut, when actually others asked for more detail (country, culture). But perhaps cutback/refine the obstacles? (see attempted rework below)

- 'specific woman' vs 'group' - I appreciate that loglines generally should have an identifiable protoganist, yet the reality of this story, and in some ways its beauty and strength, is the *collective nature* of the struggle. There were 4 key leaders that the film intends focusing on - a very young radical woman approx 20; a more experienced fighter approx 30, and 2 migrant women (one from Eastern Europe, one from South America) who were key to the campaign. But it's hard to pick out one for the logline.....suggestions welcome!

- 'exact obstacle' - well they were *all* obstacles (and then some!), and in some ways it was the fact they overcame so many hurdles that makes the story worth telling....but yes, I probably need to at least get that across in a less wordy way.

How about this rework:
"When women are refused jobs at Wollongong's largest company, four ordinary women from different worlds must unite to lead a community battle from the factory gates to the highest courts to win equality."

Best to define the exact obstacle they need to overcome pick one and let it be the main fight: "...backward attitudes, language barriers, poverty and tradition?". Ideally also specify the character that best embodies this obstacle and make him or her the antagonist.

Hope this helps.

Instead of a 'group' of women you should have a specific woman lead the charge.

Where is the story set, country, culture?

Great concept. You should "prosecute" this idea if you're passionate about it.

For me, the logline was too long and detailed. I could have got excited about "When women are refused jobs at the city's largest company, a group of women fight back!"

Good luck with it. Lx