When their conversion to goodness is discovered by Lucifer, a young devil and his converted, ‘goody two shoes’ family flee Hell for the suburban life of Canberra where the boy finds that being a horned, red-skinned devil and ‘fitting in’ to Earthly life is not as easy as he thought.

Thanks Tony. Yes, you're right but I was thinking of The Munsters and The Beverly Hillbillies, though with a refugee twist (the three series mentioned are just fish-out-of-water comedies, ie with no social undertones attached to them).

Some great feedback above.

I think your last draft is pretty good. In fact, it could almost be pitched as a series, just IMO... a modern day riff on the Adams Family/ Munsters ;)

Best of luck.

For purposes of structuring the concept a vague notion of a known theological paradigm can work. However for pitching all elements of a logline need to be immediately clear for most readers with out a need to look at "...two differing themes from two well known theologians?".

Hi Cryters. To be honest, I'm really new to this logline stuff, so please don't think that I speak with any authority. One comment I read before said that the protagonist should have their character theme trait and goal in the logline. The theme trait would be the tool that the protagonist moves the story along with. So, for example, the Devil leaves hell and their practices because he stubbornly will not do what he's told. Later in the story, he either overcomes that stubbornness or uses it to win the day. But in the logline he's a stubborn devil because that's the characters theme.

Stubbornness is just an example by the way. You can definitely come up with a better trait. How about disobedience for irony? Lucifer would be a real hypocrite if he doesn't like disobedience.

The story's theme could be mentioned too, so as it's about refugees, could you say that the family seek refuge in suburbia? Your third logline conveys the story to me really well. -

A persecuted family of good devils flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where they fight to gain acceptance in a neighbourhood embroiled in battling a property developer.?

From what I've read, that's very correct because it shows the story and the visual story that's being told. Maybe the protagonist should be more proactive. So instead of becoming embroiled in a property development war, The family chooses to defend a town that fears and despises them from a ruthless property developer. Like I say though, I have no experience with logline rules and I think I'm mixing it up with tagline rules.

Just as an aside, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Is lucifer the property developer?

or "A persecuted family of good devils flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where they fight to gain acceptance in a neighbourhood embroiled in battling a property developer."

Thanks Ashley. You're on the money about this being a comedy and about people fleeing their cultures. My story is in fact an allegory for refugees arriving in Australia. The logline I posted is clunky, especially in setting up the MC's goal for overcoming a flaw. Maybe something like this would be better: "Persecuted by Lucifer for having turned into good devils, a devil boy and his family flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where the devil boy saves the neighbourhood from an evil developer." Your thoughts?