When a woman and her newborn are placed into quarantine, feared they are infected by the darkness which has devastated their homeworld. She escapes and gains the support of followers to free her twisted child from the prime evil which is bent on possessing their entire species.

Yes the story is a total mind F#$@. Think I will stick with the last one for now. Thanks guys!

Sounds still very complex to me - and complexity I feel is coming from the lack of clarity on the story. There seems to be just too much story forced into the logline.

Or perhaps this version that a former mentor just had a go at:

Set in the future, a mother escapes an alien test facility, rallies the pockets of surviving tribes to find the only one able to save what is left of the planet is her daughter.

Thanks VBK ;-)

Based on the combined feedback I can see my last post is way too long.

Just going from what FFF has offered with his formula breakdown I have simplified it into this =

In the future a mother escapes an alien test facility and rallies the pockets of surviving tribes to find her daughter who is the only one with the ability to save what is left of the planet.

thanks FFF ill have a go at filling it in with your structure to see what i come up with

I love science fiction and I'm familiar with the genre but I still don't understand your logline. I know it's hard to sum up a film in one sentence but you must try to focus, to make it simple, and easy to understand. I give it a try : "In a future Earth ruled by an alien race, a humain mother escapes from a slave factory and join the Resistence to free her daughter who has the key to save mankind". Something like that?

Thanks guys, this better? Yes I am on the second draft currently 110 pages.

One hundred years in the future a mother is separated from her newborn and held against her will. She must escape then unite the surviving clans to infiltrate the stronghold of their enemy who has already taken over the living bodies of most of Dirtside's inhabitants. Once breached she must reveal to her estranged daughter she was seeded by a friendly species from another world and that she is the only one capable of containing this eternal evil force.

Chris you can't give away too much of the film. You are trying to sell your script. I would love not having to produce a logline, then a one page, then a treatment (of varying lengths). I'd love to just give them the script and say "read the entire film".

I am entered in the Nicols this year. There are over 7000 other scripts in that one competition. Imagine how many other specs are out there.

You can not give someone too much help in making a decision.

Yea there are mal bad and bene good forces in play.

Your descriptions are still too vague for a logline even in the second draft it is unclear what kind of person the main character is, what action she will take and what the antagonist is like.

Don't be afraid in these early stages of devaluing too much information as it looks like you are still structuring this story.
Are you yet to start writing the script or are you now working on the pitch for a completed script?

No need to add many words to your logline rather focus the words to describe very specific story critical plot points.

Your main character is the mother, but;
What is her flaw?
What event starts her off on her journey?
Is her goal to stop the alien from taking over the inhabitants or save her children?
Are the inhabitants humans on earth or another species on another planet?
What does a "...prime evil..." mean in the context of this story?
What other description can you use for the antagonist?

Use the answers to these questions to structure a new draft of the logline.

Hope this helps.

This looks much better to me. Are you sure you mean benevolent and not malevolent?

How about this?..

In a dystopian future a mother must unite the surviving clans before showing her estranged daughter she was created by benevolent aliens to contain a prime evil force which is taking over the minds of the remaining inhabitants.