When a bullied classmate turns up drowned, meek hall monitor must team up with their high school tormentor in order to catch the culprit.
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4 reviews
Kinda feel like this should be in the "mystery" or "crime" category instead of a thriller.
As yqwertz said, why must the students find the culprit? There needs to be a reason why the police are written off otherwise a reader's first question is always going to be why aren't the police dealing with this and if they are, why does this kid feel the need to get involved. There needs to be something personal about this incident - as in Richiev's version - it's the best friend who dies.
Why does the protagonist NEED to team up with the bully? I get the odd couple dynamic you're going for but there must be a really good reason for it.
I think the main thing missing from this is the relationship between the dead bullied school kid and the hall monitor, who is probably also a bullied school kid.? If you make them "best friends" as another comment suggests, or brothers maybe, then there's a reason for this hall monitor to risk his scrawny neck to put a stop to this!
I get the story, however, I think it could be told a little better
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"When his best friend is murdered, a meek hall monitor must team with the school bully, who's the police's chief suspect, in order to find the real killer."