Scott Danzig

2,039 points

461 points to Mentor

20 loglines
89 reviews

Loglines

When a gang member’s girl scout kid sister threatens to disown him after he was convicted for vandalism yet again, he promises to help her make the entire town litter-free during his remaining days of freedom.

July 21, 2020
When an indicted small-time thief learns of her boy scout kid brother’s ambition to make their crime-ridden town litter-free, she must spend her remaining days of freedom helping him while keeping him safe.

July 19, 2020
When an ex-con returns home to find his estranged daughter depressed by an ugly world, he aims to make the entire town litter-free in an attempt to win her back.

July 15, 2020
Upon being diagnosed with lung cancer, a lifetime litterbug tries to make the world beautiful for his depressed granddaughter before he dies.

July 11, 2020
(First revision) When townsfolk reject an attention-craving man by magically transforming him into a ghost, he must seek the help of other rejected ghosts in order to find a way to break the curse before it becomes permanent.

December 19, 2019
When a man seeking popularity is rejected by society by being forced into a cursed ghost costume, he must learn to live independently in order to remove it before he’s permanently trapped and forgotten.

December 16, 2019
(4th revision) A vigilante hacker spies on a power-hungry corporation as they confirm reality itself can be manipulated like computer code, and finds herself in a race with them to leverage this power and stop them from controlling the world.

October 3, 2019
(3rd revision) When a vigilante hacker maliciously deploys a power-hungry biotech corporation?s untested experimental software and discovers it capable of manipulating reality to their advantage, she must exploit the resulting bugs, to stop them, before the world is at their mercy.

October 3, 2019
When a vigilante hacker deploys a power-hungry corporation?s experimental software that controls reality, she must exploit the resulting bugs to evade capture and foil their treacherous plot to enslave the world.

September 25, 2019
(Revised) In a world that few know is a computer simulation, a mischievous programmer naively installs a greedy corporation’s experimental software update for reality itself, and now must exploit the resulting bugs to evade capture and undo her mistake.

September 25, 2019
After two job-seeking programmers accidentally install a greedy biotech corporation’s experimental software update to reality itself, they must exploit the resulting bugs to evade capture and fix the world.

September 25, 2019
After an OCD-afflicted introvert finally gets a chance at true love with an inspiring woman who sees past her condition, jealousy over a casual friendship forces her to face the latent insecurities that threaten her chances.

March 12, 2019
3rd version: When she falls in love with an inspiring woman who sees past her condition, an OCD-afflicted introvert?s latent insecurities threaten her rare romance with worry, frustration and jealousy.

March 11, 2019
2nd revision: A photographer with OCD battles her insecurities in a rare romance with a jovial woman who sees past her affliction.

March 7, 2019
1

An OCD-afflicted photog wins over an energetic creative through her awkward yet relentless affection, but as their relationship develops, it becomes too much.

February 19, 2018
A father and the estranged daughter he seeks to reconnect with accompany an affluent friend to a secret restaurant. The father is horrified to learn the restaurant serves nothing but human meat, and must find a way to cope while protecting his daughter’s innocence.

February 12, 2017
[Revisedx3] At the worst possible moment, a girl calls upon the dark arts to teach her mother to be nicer to the cat.

August 27, 2016
[Revisedx2] For refusing to buy more catnip, a vengeful cat calls upon the dark arts to end an insensitive mother’s career.

August 26, 2016
[Revised] A manipulative cat uses trickery and the dark arts to exact revenge upon an unappreciative mother, disrupting her big presentation.

August 25, 2016
A girl trifles with the dark arts during her mother’s career defining moment.

August 24, 2016

Recent reviews

on A cyborg hunter must protect a young woman by killing a cyborg before he turns her into one.

I honestly don't know. People can suggest things on this site that might very well help, but you're the one who knows the story. If you can't write a logline that makes this film seem more of a "must watch"…
on A cyborg hunter must protect a young woman by killing a cyborg before he turns her into one.

I might be mistaken, but I don't think people typically write loglines for individual episodes... just one for the entire series. With your latest logline, you added "race against time", but that is already implied by the word "before". If…
on A cyborg hunter must protect a young woman by killing a cyborg before he turns her into one.

I don't think loglines typically assume familiarity with a particular character, nor do they generally include any names. You can easily just turn that "biggest mission yet" into the inciting incident. Also, you can add some urgency by taking out…
on When a gang member’s girl scout kid sister threatens to disown him after he was convicted for vandalism yet again, he promises to help her make the entire town litter-free during his remaining days of freedom.

That first idea is not far off from an idea Mike Pedley had, where at the end, the judge just says community service has been fulfilled because of everything he's done... it's just in advance... which I guess can lead…
on When a gang member’s girl scout kid sister threatens to disown him after he was convicted for vandalism yet again, he promises to help her make the entire town litter-free during his remaining days of freedom.

I was attracted to the idea when I thought about how people show appreciation toward strangers who pick up litter, and I thought, well, where could that go? However, I don't see that fitting into the structure of a "proper…
on When a magical spirit reveals the world’s destructive fate, an introverted high school girl must flee her privileged upbringing and journey through an impoverished land to find a saviour, which she later learns is actually herself, and confront the powerful government of the city before the world collapses beneath her feet.

The low-hanging fruit given this current iteration of the logline is that you can easily pull out "and journey through an impoverished land to find a saviour, which she later learns is actually herself,". That part is the plot, but…
on Ramona, an introverted high school girl, unknowingly helps a disguised magical spirit, and in return is awakened to the inevitable destructive fate of her world. Ramona must flee her seemingly protected, privileged city and upbringing, to journey through an impoverished but enchanting land to reach the world’s one true saviour, who is to be found on top of a distant mountain.

Dpg's response as always is insightful and makes great points. My initial thoughts had more to do with shaving off a lot of the extra detail to highlight the meat of the story. Ultimately it's a girl who learns of…
on When a dead beat accidentally gets injected with an experimental brain implant giving him the ability to learn anything instantly, he must use his new abilities to take down the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back

I'd guess this could be addressed by just changing "instantly" to "with extraordinary speed". Otherwise, I think this logline is fine, no? Also, deadbeat I don't think needs a space in it.
on After cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.

Change “invades” to “invade” and remove “by an evil emperor” and you have a mostly okay logline. The only thing is “their” and “them” are ambiguous. You need to change the wording to fix that.
on After cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.

Okay... then "and he, and his crew, must find a way to stop them"
on After cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.

Finds himself is an ambiguous inciting incident. Maybe something like “crash-lands in” or “gets stranded on”... then you need to add some connection between his presence and the invasion. Maybe a logline like this: When a cyborg hunter crash-lands on…
on A smart young property developer locates the perfect large country house, but it is haunted. Knowing the ghost must go before the family arrive, a 250 year old murder has to be resolved.

Some things you put in there didn't seem important to the plot (e.g. smart, large...) Also, it could be phrased in a way that makes the inciting incident (i.e. When something happens...) and the protagonist's goal (i.e. so and so…
on When an indicted small-time thief learns of her boy scout kid brother’s ambition to make their crime-ridden town litter-free, she must spend her remaining days of freedom helping him while keeping him safe.

Well, I initially had her as a drug dealer, going for the irony I think you're suggesting, and I got feedback that it sounded "dichotomous" ... I agreed and realized the drug dealer aspect of it was a little distracting…
on When an indicted small-time thief learns of her boy scout kid brother’s ambition to make their crime-ridden town litter-free, she must spend her remaining days of freedom helping him while keeping him safe.

As the logline morphed a bit, yeah, it makes sense for me to change indicted to "convicted". I looked it up...sentences do take a bit of time to happen afterward. As for the crime, I'm not sure if there actually…
on When a persistent novice realtor discovers her condescending boss is bankrolling his fancy lifestyle using client escrow funds, she hires an investigator to dig deeper, but he catches on and hires a hit-man to silence her.

I think this reads a bit better: When she discovers her boss has embezzled millions, a novice realtor must evade his hitman while searching for the smoking gun that will put him away.
on When an ex-con returns home to find his estranged daughter depressed by an ugly world, he aims to make the entire town litter-free in an attempt to win her back.

Okay, so the problem I was having is that it seemed weird to have "must" for something relating to picking up trash... and I see why you were leaning toward "clean up the place"... litter seems like an oddly specific…
on When a female engineer with a typical male name is hired to the project of her dreams and confronts her boss’ shock that he, in fact, hired a woman, she must overcome attitudes of “boys club” sexism in order to maintain her position on the team.

It's a solid plot. There's an interesting, smart protagonist. There's conflict. There's a lot at stake, although I think you can go farther than just talking about her position. That's not all she's fighting for. It's also a bit wordy.…
on When an ex-con returns home to find his estranged daughter depressed by an ugly world, he aims to make the entire town litter-free in an attempt to win her back.

There's an element to the story I'd like to preserve where the litter cleaning gets public attention, and that unexpected fame leads to "good intentions getting punished", for a bittersweet ending. I agree that the ex-con and estranged daughter is…
on After her kitten was kidnapped, a girl must team up with her friends to track down the thief by invading his home.

The first thing that stands out to me... it's weird that he has to find out the "motive". I mean, if it was just to find out who did it, that's pretty straight forward, but the motive implies the detective…
on When a successful entomologist and his father, an army reserve, are humiliated by the public because of a new insect display that goes wrong, he must gain respect back for his family while saving his captive father from the greedy military, and uncover the secrets behind the mysterious weaponized insect before humans become the endangered species.

The things that stand out to me... "humiliated by the public because of a new insect display that goes wrong" seems like a rather obscure way for a whole family to lose respect, and I kind of think you need…