The summer of 1978 will change a group of young ghost investigators lives forever ? they must solve the mystery at the heart of their rural seaside town and catch a villain with nothing more than their wits and chopper bikes all the while growing together as they grow up.

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10 reviews

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

"Chopper bikes" -- definitely confusing.

Who is the primary ghost hunter (aka: protagonist)?
What's at stake? That is, why must they solve the mystery? What happens if they don't solve the mystery?

Elly Field 0 pts

Hi dcjohn

Thanks for pointing that out - I think I am confusing people with the way this is worded so obviously need to rewrite drastically. The choppers I mention are the 1970s push bikes - these are effectively just a gang of kids on their bikes. I was trying to set the context as the 70s has an innocent childhood nostalgia Im trying to capture in this...

dcjohn 0 pts

It seems like you're burying the lede by holding off mentioning the choppers till the end. If they're a biker gang that investigates ghosts, then why not make that clear right at the initial description of the protagonists.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Elly,that sounds like an interesting idea. Oddly enough, creating a logline can sometimes help solidify a story idea. Good luck!

Elly Field 0 pts

Hi Richiev, it has definitely helped thank you! This is my first log line and I was really struggling to get myself across I think. I need to define more of my main story (at the moment my secondary plot is more concrete) Somehow I want to tie in a local legend with an escaped prisoner looking for his loot...

Elly Field 0 pts

Thanks for asking - the feel I am trying to convey is a Goonies type scenario - but more along the mystery solving front. Main inspiration to the characters is The Red Hand Gang..