?Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine during its trial runs, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board.?

Eleanor "Ellie" Bishop is an analyst for the National Security Agency currently on a joint duty assignment with NCIS and who is now an NCIS Special Agent. She can be discribed as a fresh faced "probie" agent. She has a unique way of analizing information that is a great asset to the team.

This movie will be going beyond the confines of NCIS provided that it is turned into a television series after the movie is out.

+1 dpg.

I think Valentin gives excellent advice -- in fact, I can begin to see this beyond the confines of N.C.I.S... (Why shoot for moon when you could hit the stars?)

The following is just for brevity's sake:

'A fresh faced Naval Psychologist must outwit her vengeful ex-husband, who has planted a bomb on the U.S. Navy?s flagship sub she has been charged to evaluate.'

Best of luck Presario 2200.

What Valentin said. On every point.

Sent to evaluate the personnel of a state-of-the-art submarine assigned to the United States Navy, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board during its trial runs.?

How about I use the word "personnel". This way, it refers to everybody serving on board?

Here are my two cents on your logline

1) staff is for office personnel. Use crew and ditch the word staff.

2) new, state of the art, during its trial run all means the same thing. It's new. Keep only one of the three.

3) is the fact it is a new submarine important for the story? It could just an upgrade or a relaunch. If it's not important, just delete that part.

4) it has been repeatedly mentioned in previous threads on the logline, most people will not have the foggiest idea what PsyOps stand for. An expert in psychological warfare is more telling that the name of the division.

5) more important people who knows what PsyOps stands for will immediately spot the error. PsyOps never do crew evaluation. PsyObs or specialist/consultant psychologist do. Diagnosticians and surgeons both practice medicine. They may even interact together, but they both have completely different jobs.

6) contrarily to what NCIS portrayed, in the real world the head of any department is mostly an administrator. The head of PsyOps may be a big title, but in reality that person would mostly work on budget, resources, project planning. The same way in an hospital, the main administrator do not operate on patient, surgeons working for that person do.

7) your protagonist is passive in your logline. She discovers that her vengeful husband has planted a virus to destroy. What does she do? Does she go home and make a cup of tea? You need to tell us what she is doing to solve the problem.

8) there is no tension, because what's the worst an electronic virus can do? Delete my file? Big deal, I've got everything backed up on the cloud. What is at risk needs to be more fleshed out.

I am reposting my previous attempt.

Locked in a nuclear submarine with the crew she was sent to evaluate, a shrink must win a deadly game of psychological warfare in order to stop the self destruct sequence initiated by a vengeful husband.

Thanks.

The crew is military and the staff is civilian.

If the virus is not stopped. The vessel will go down with the loss of all hands on board.
The Psy Ops Director also has the title of Doctor.

Reading this again, you don't need to say "crew and staff" either.

Sent to evaluate a state-of-the-art nuclear submarine, the head of the U.S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board.?

First of all, trim it; no need to describe the sub as both "new" and "state-of-the-art".

Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a state-of-the-art nuclear submarine, the head of the U.S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board.?

So, back to the issues previous stated; it's not clear from a general, uneducated audience member's perspective (ie. mine) how a computer virus as I know it could possibly pose a threat to a flesh and blood human, so I'm not actually sure what danger is in store for your protagonist.

Also - you've described how the story begins; your protagonist discovers someone is trying to kill her. What does she do with this knowledge? What is the objective goal? Catch the bad guy? Stop the virus?

How about this?
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Sent to evaluate a state-of-the-art nuclear submarine, the head of DoD's PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband's planted a computer virus and she has four hours to destroy the worm before the ship reaches critical depth and those on board are killed.?
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Sorry it's still a bit long :(

Hope that helped, good luck with this

Dear Presario2200,

Can you clarify "destroy" in your logline--do you mean the computer virus will destroy the ex wife psychologically or physically? Does the main character have any other job title besides being the head of US DoD PsyOps?