Evan was once heralded as a front page success story for his popular smartphone game, ?Cat Pipe?. But ten years later, he finds himself living in unemployed obscurity with his slacker best friend and ?artist? in residence, Andy. What goes up must come down. Way down.

Failing Forward

7 reviews

AES84 0 pts

I don't think you need to add the "what comes up" line

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Just curious, what does Evan want?

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

>>>Should I pitch the pilot?s plot in the logline?

Good question. Unless specified, my default assumption is that a logline is about a feature film; I responded to your logline accordingly.

I suppose that one way to look at a pilot episode of a series is that it is the inciting incident for the entire series, all the episodes that follow. So a strategy for crafting a logline might be to describe the inciting incident (the pilot) in a way that sets ups the general situation and characters and the expectation of interesting stories from now to the day it goes into syndication -- and beyond.

The most important aspect of a logline is the hook, the element that immediately grabs attention, that makes the concept stand out in an interesting and appealing way from others in its genre. In that regard, I am moved to ask: why is the series about a has-been entrepreneur forced to share rent with some eccentrics after his app development venture crashes and burns rather than a wannabe entrepreneur forced to share rent with some eccentrics while he struggles to get his app development business off the ground?

Seems to me that an aspirational hook would be more appealing (and marketable). One potential viewer's opinion, fwiw.

Also, why not have the lead character as a female geek, a type that is rare both in the real world and in the imaginary world of TV?