During the old world, an aged magician and her two young proteges march into the depths of the underworld to make a deal with Death using the ultimate bargaining chip, an immortal man.

When Death offers to a grief-stricken witch the life of her infant son in exchange for the life of her former lover, she must capture and kill a powerful immortal who cheats death by devouring the life force of children.

e.g.
"During the old world era, an aged magician march into the Underworld to ask Death to give her back her long lost infant, finally accepting to put in play her ultimate chip: give it up her (husband/father) who devoured him for becoming immortal."

In this version, it is assumed that she is trying to negotiate with Death for a long time.

Maybe the writing could be better because English is not my native language.

Best luck.

When she is given by Death a chance to rescue her son from hell, a powerful sorcerer must capture and kill her former lover, an immortal who cheats death by devouring children's soul.

This sounds familiar to an episode of The Twilight Zone I watched, but it could still work though. Everything as been remade in some form, shape or fashion from what I hear.

Hi Dakofman,

Now you have all you need, and perhaps more:
are the two proteges important for your plot? If so, it's better to tell why; if not, it's better to remove them from your logline.

You have:
- time/place context
- hero(s),
- antagonist (who is the Death / devil),
- flaw (be something else is always a flaw to bargain with the Death, except if you?re a god),
- part of a catalyst (the father eated her son a long time ago),
- complete goal (bargain with the Death to resurect her son)
-stake (fail and remain in the current situation, or what would be better, in a worse position)
- deep dark atmosphere,

You lack:
- an inciting incident : the event that pushed her into acting after having waited so long (Did she capture the man?)

Then you can try to compile all theses elements into a sentence of the same kind than:

"(Context), when (inciting event + catalyst), (hero) do (action) in order to (complete goal), risking (worse situation if she fails)"

You must preserve your deep dark atmosphere.

Your topic brings to mind the story of Cronus and Rhea which allowed Zeus to become the king of gods

Thanks for the advice.

Thanks for the advice. The wizard is making a deal with devil for the life of her long lost infant son who was devoured by his father, the immortal man shortly after his birth. That is how he sustains his long life. Should she fail the boy is lost forever. How can I best work that in?

Hi dakofman

Nice atmosphere.

You have
- heros,
- an antagonist (who is not necessarily the devil),
- a flaw (be something else is always a flaw to bargain with the Death, except if you're a god),
- a goal,
- a deep dark atmosphere,

But something is missing or not clear: an inciting incident (or catalyst), a final goal and a stake. We don't know because of what event and for what purpose she need to bargain with the Death; and what will happens if she fail.

I agree with jkcantwell about the Old world because "world" is not a time concept. You can say "During the old world era" (seems to be the best in the context) ot "During the times of the Old World ", etc...

Hope to be helpful.

Why would they make a deal with the Devil?

The question I immediately have is, why do they need to make a deal with Death? What's the inciting incident? Also, is "During" the right word to start with? Usually people use 'during' for something that is reasonably time-limited, but it sounds like the 'old world' is an era, so either 'During the old world era' or 'In old world Europe' etc. Good luck!