A violent gangster turns vigilante when his young son is murdered, but when he executes an undercover cop, his operation backfires.

This is an interesting story. I appreciate the process in this forum, to help writers work through their ideas.

I think the original was good.

Regarding the word "grooming" used in the later version, it didn't strike me as a negative, when I read it. I hope we get to read the script when you finish it!

Just change the ending, maybe you can write the entire logline in some similar form.

I HAVE to leave a positive review when I see a log line scenario that is intriguing AND... I believe not only COULD happen in real life but probably WILL eventually happen in real life. I love stories that seem utterly plausible, unique, and "inevitable", in other words. Since I cannot add anything substantive to the great comments posted before mine, I'll leave it at that. KUDOS!

I think your original logline, is very strong and what you are classing as backstory is also a v strong film premise. You could have a trilogy in here. You seem to know the backstory really well, so don't dismiss it, you can use that. as Part 1.

Well, with the help of all the feedback I finally realized something I'd suspected for a long time - it's TWO stories - or rather - the hero has TWO GOALS.

So, the hero's new goal is: to find a new recruit for his next 'hit' coming up on Saturday.

A clear, achievable, outward goal : to find a new recruit.

New logline:

"An embittered vigilante has to find a new recruit in time for his next kill, but when his wife and daughter uncover his plans he's forced to choose: stop killing... or lose the ones he loves."

Good way to realize the protag 1st role and driving goal that wraps the whole story up tight , then show the stakes and reveal the resolution .Interesting reading .