Myron

Penpusher · 5 points

295 points to Logliner

on After becoming the sole survivor of his adventuring party a barbarian now protects the town’s children by slaying the monsters under their beds. But when a rise in monster attacks threatens everyone, he must overcome his survivor’s guilt and PTSD to save the town.

Sounds like an interesting concept. Good stuff Perhaps the two sentences could be shortened and still accomplish the goal. For example: After becoming the sole survivor of his adventuring party, a barbarian with PTSD must save the town's orphans by…
on A violent gangster turns vigilante when his young son is murdered, but when he executes an undercover cop, his operation backfires.

This is an interesting story. I appreciate the process in this forum, to help writers work through their ideas. I think the original was good. Regarding the word "grooming" used in the later version, it didn't strike me as a…