djohn

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
3 reviews

A quirky, motherless quarterback fights family discord and his girl?s departure, triggering dormant personality traits as he struggles toward manhood and an ?impossible?, child-like goal he made as a boy.

December 22, 2013

on A violent gangster turns vigilante when his young son is murdered, but when he executes an undercover cop, his operation backfires.

I HAVE to leave a positive review when I see a log line scenario that is intriguing AND... I believe not only COULD happen in real life but probably WILL eventually happen in real life. I love stories that seem…
on I would like to note that I am collaborating with my brother, username God.Rains, on the same project; and we are very grateful to all who have given us feedback since he first posted our logline. We apologize for not replying to dpg's latest comment sooner than now, but we have to do all of our collaborating by phone. To respond to your latest comment, dpg, we do want our story to be character-driven; so your comment was very valuable and appreciated! After much discussion, here is our latest draft: "Transported with a group of his peers to an otherworldly gallery of paintings that become portals to strange worlds, an unpopular teen must overcome his insecurities and lead this band of misfits back home before the sinister evil that brought them here entraps them forever." Please continue to give us your honest and valuable feedback!

VERY imaginative idea! Kudos! I'm no judge of log lines but the last part seems a bit vague. Maybe it's just me but I'd like more specificity at the end and maybe just a TAD more in the rest of…
on Sept. 1st 1939, identical twin boys celebrate their 16th birthday in a small village outside of Berlin. One is a ?cock of the walk? the other shy and sensitive. They become enemies when the new girl in town falls in love with one but stays faithful to the other. 5 years later in the Battle of Berlin each boy must save the others life in order to save his own.

Like how a historic date and the brothers' birthday coincide (Sept. 1). It, and other elements in the log line have a lot of potential for poignancy. Overall, I like the idea, setting, etc. The log line's word count seems…

A quirky, motherless quarterback fights family discord and his girl?s departure, triggering dormant personality traits as he struggles toward manhood and an ?impossible?, child-like goal he made as a boy.