A simple disagreement in a gas station results in a store manager being brutally murdered. A dubious employee can’t accept the official explanation and asks one too many questions, sparking a series of events that could ruin him completely.

by Jonathan Wynne 91 pts

4 reviews

Neer Shelter 55,464 pts ★ Accepted

Love your user name by the way...

This is too long and lacks detail. Why is the employee so adamant to find the killer? Is the employee a family member? What makes the murder personal for him? What's the end game for the employee? What MUST he achieve, or die trying, by the end of the story?

giannisggeorgiou Samurai · 4,754 pts

What's the "official explanation?"

Try something like:
When her boss gets brutally murdered, a gas station clerk must ...?

dpg 112,231 pts

>>>sparking a series of events that could ruin him completely.

So, what does he do about it?? And what does "ruin" entail?? Is his life in mortal jeopardy?