6 reviews
The last draft of the logline presents a disjointed plot. How does the return of her father motivate her to do anything much less reconstruct a house? The cause and effect is unclear.
Furthermore, the stakes and obstacles are unclear, what's stopping her reconstruct the house? And what is at stake with her family?? Maintaining the relationships between all the members of the family is not enough for a film. Think of it this way - if she manages to maintain the balance between family and lover (ghost or not) nothing much changes by the end of the film, if she doesn't she either loses the lover or the family - not nice but no biggie. Best to come up with a goal for her to achieve which puts her at a better position at the end of the film than the start.
Is the ghost lover literal (as he's a real ghost; there's a supernatural element to the story) or is he figurative?
And I frankly don't see how "reconstructing the house" will restore the careful balance? ?And what's the visual look like for "careful balance". ?As film is a visual medium there needs to be a visual moment that signals to the audience that the protagonist has achieved her objective goal. ?For example, if a female runner's objective goal is to win Olympic gold, then the obvious visual moment that signals success is when she breaks the tape at the Olympic games.
Finally, how does her being a historical researcher directly figure into her objective goal as either an asset or a liability (aka: character flaw). ?That she is an historical researcher may flesh out her character in the script, but for the purpose of this logline it seems, well, irrelevant.
In a logline, where every word must count, any description of the character should relate directly to the objective goal and the central conflict entailed in struggling for that goal. ?Directly either in the sense that the description is about a trait that threatens to defeat the character in her struggle ?(the more common use) or is necessary for the character to reach her goal (less common).
Examples: ? "The King's Speech" is about a "stuttering prince"; his stuttering is a liability that threatens to doom him to ?fail to fulfill his objective goal, playing out his role as an English monarch. ?Whereas "Almost Famous" is about a precocious 15-year old boy who gets a writing assignment from the magazine "Rolling Stone"; his precocity is an asset he needs to achieve his objective goal of filing his assignment on deadline.
From reading this, it seems that the absents fathers return is what sets the story in motion... If this is the case I would use that to begin your logoline
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"When her absent father returns, a (adjective) historical researcher must..."
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Hope that helps