SouthWestSusie

766 points

1,734 points to Mentor

10 loglines
14 reviews

Loglines

Back under construction again.

January 16, 2017
When a NY cop visits his estranged wife at her LA office building, he stumbles into a terrorist heist and must rescue the employee hostages.

October 11, 2016
An aspiring horror filmmaker stumbles upon and films a fairy-tale copy-cat murder, but when no charges are pressed, he must try to stop another murder.

October 6, 2016
When her drug-making father skips bond, an impoverished 17-year-old Ozark girl must find him or lose the family house, her younger siblings, and mentally-ill mother.

October 5, 2016
When a stuttering prince unexpectedly becomes King of England, he struggles to overcome the debilitating condition and rally the British at the outbreak of WWII.

September 27, 2016
When their doppelg?ngers skip-out on a caf? bill, an elegant Man and Woman sift through notebooks and dust impressions to determine who will pay.

September 23, 2016
When a gifted nostalgia caseworker disappears, a Man and Woman use their third-mind to relate clues sifted via ghost impressions rising from the dust around them.

September 20, 2016
A spunky, plump girl (6) pursues her quest to win a beauty-pageant, and in the process her family unite and each transforms into his/her higher self.

September 19, 2016
Two fed-up women take off for a weekend getaway but when one is almost raped and the other kills the guy the holiday turns into a road trip to escape to Mexico.

September 19, 2016
A spunky, plump girl pursues her quest to win a beauty-pageant, and in the process her family unite and each transforms into his/her higher self.

September 19, 2016

Recent reviews

on After her employers die in a city wide pandemic an Upper West Side nanny must navigate the violent streets to save their young son and put him on the last boat to safety.

Hi hannibalchew, Thanks for sharing your logline. I'm not seeing the significance of her employers dying. Does that mean the company she was working for ?is out of business because of a flu virus (or something). How does that event…
on When a DiD sufferer takes an experimental drug for his condition, his alternate personality, who perceives reality differently, begins to takeover and goes on a quest to free humanity from hidden beings controlling reality while his alternate persona believes he’s actually on a murderous rampage.

Hi Knightrider, This sounds like a man in conflict with himself and asks the question: to what length would a man go to stop himself from ?being a mass murderer. Could get pretty ugly! So far so good. I don't…
on An aging war criminal seeks his redemption by helping a group of troubled misfits whilst trying to survive brutal persecution from someone he wronged in the past.

Hi Nbz, Thanks for sharing your story logline. The main character is clear in a general sense. He's an aging war criminal. Maybe you want to get more specific as to what war. Is he a Nazi? or some other…
on After three girls are kidnapped by a man with multiple personalities they must find some of the different personalities that can help them while running away and staying alive from the others. – Split

Hi Andrew Bates, Thanks for sharing your logline of Split.? It appears that the main character is the man with the multiple personalities, not the women. So the logline should reflect the main character and his goal. The kidnapping of…
on When an agoraphobic online student meets his soulmate, he gets a job at a bar to face his fear in public, only to find out that his love is a pop star.

Hi savinh0, Thanks for sharing this. I see you've got a solid problem for your character. He's agoraphobic. That's a tough problem. I think there are an increasing number of people who might relate to that. Then the inciting event…
on when a freedom believer incites his tribe to be free , he gets caught by another one to be bought as a slave .

Thanks for sharing, Allal. So, from this I understand that ?after inciting a rebellion, a freedom fighter is captured and put up for sale as a slave. Is ?that right? And so the story is now going to be about…
on Trapped in a high rise residential building a group of neighbors must learn to work together to escape their culprit.

Hi jlmarvelo, As this is posted in the thriller category I will assume this is not a horror movie. Perhaps it is a suspense. ?I am not sure what the ticking bomb is that would make it a thriller or…
on Astronaut’s Grave – Death row prisoners are given freedom by the state if they can come back alive from a space exploration.

Hello, Jlmarvevalo. Thanks for sharing your logline. Is there a main character that the story focuses on? That would help to make the longline more specific and compelling. I'm assuming your character is one of these prisoners. Why will we…
on A detective’s ex-wife asks him to find their missing son, he discovers that a mysterious old woman abducted him, and learns dark secrets about his wife and his own past, that forces him to take action.

Hi Gabriel Yakub. Your revision helped tighten your logline. Still, the the last part "their lineage" is unclear. What does that mean and in what way is it related to finding his son? How will he get his son back?…
on When her drug-making father skips bond, an impoverished 17-year-old Ozark girl must find him or lose the family house, her younger siblings, and mentally-ill mother.

Winter's Bone? (25 words)
on A Montana preacher rides across a fading wild west to see his outlaw daughter one last time before she hangs for train-robbing and decide if he will break his moral code to save her.

There seems to be some good conflict here, deserthorror! Does one choose moral values and work ethic over family. I expect the daughter and father have a history of conflict. Is the "one last time" needed here? If she hangs,…
on When their doppelg?ngers skip-out on a caf? bill, an elegant Man and Woman sift through notebooks and dust impressions to determine who will pay.

Hi folks, Sorry if I've done this wrong. I'm not sure where I put a revision to a logline. Do we put it on the same page as the original or post it as new? Also, is posting in the…
on On Loglines: There are certain answers to logline problems that many of us seem to repeat as we give advice.

Great suggestions. Will save. Thank you. :)
on After a street-wise prostitute agrees to provide a cold-hearted businessman with a week of ‘professional’ companionship, she must struggle to prevent their business relationship from turning into love.

Hey guys, interesting discussions. Thank you! Here's a different take: When a cold-hearted businessman transforms a street-wise prostitute into a classy lady, both must confront whether they can stay together and live the romantic fairy tale. (26 words)