A professional doppelganger of a famous actor, impregnates both his wife and his lover. Using his fame as his currency, he pays a hefty price for adultery.

7 reviews

Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai · 1,742 pts

It sounds like one of the problems everyone is having over and over with this concept, and with each version of the logline, is that they're unable to see a clear trajectory that the story is going to follow. The potential for conflict is there, but what form the meat and potatoes of the script will take is not concretely defined. As a result, it's hard to gauge the tone and genre of the work. (Does he move his mistress into the home under the pretence of her being a live in maid? OR does his wife agree to the new living arrangement, and if so, what is the thread that begins to unravel? Does he leave them both? Does he confess to his wife and she leaves him, so he tries to make it work with his mistress and discovers he doesn't love her ...)

Which is why I think everyone is pointing out the need for a clearly defined GOAL. Once he learns that his mistress is pregnant, and he wants to raise the baby AND maintain both relationships (both very human, very relatable desires), what does he actually DO that forms the backbone of your narrative?
- It's kind of like that film Locke ... if Tom Hardy had gone home in the first act and immediately fessed up to his wife and tried to move his mistress in. The concept sounds like this definitely has potential, but it's unclear how it all works. This logline doesn't sell it well enough to want to know more.

My first suggestion would be to simplify the language you're using in the logline, and to avoid being vague about anything (I'd drop the reference to "fame as currency" and "paying a hefty price.")

"After a celebrity impersonator learns that both his wife and mistress are pregnant, ..."

What happens next?

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

As the others have said.? This version gives the man a dramatic problem and dramatic consequences, "pays a hefty price",? but it doesn't give him a dramatic goal.

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

In line with the previous posts relating to this concept, there's a severe lack of clarity in the latest attempt.
I'm not sure anything new can really be said about the latest version that hasn't been said before, I suggest you study ALL the comments made on the other versions.