A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

Loglines are useful for stories of all lengths.
I found them useful for a 2 minute short film with no dialogue and a 110 page film as the basic functions of a logline are applicable regardless.

Also agreed with DPG we do need a format category for new submissions in the new website.

I think the exercise of writing a logline can be useful for a script of any length. I see this as another example underscoring the need for a field in the posting to indicate the format (feature film, short, series). Knowing that really makes a difference evaluating the logline.

(And a field for genre, too.)

Thanks

Hello, I don't think that the logline exercise is really useful for a short film. Anyway dgp rewrite is just perfect, expecially for a short film.

I can't see a chess game being made very interesting, perhaps for a minute or two as part of a scene it could but not for a whole scene or whole short film.

Secondly as many have already noted you need to state in specific terms what the protagonist will actually do. Stating that she will become a worthy opponent is inherit in the fact that she is the protagonist so this statement is redundant.

As you can see from DPG's re draft he removed that line but even in that the logline is not clear on why or how she will save her life over the game of chess. If she wins the game and he is truly a psycho he will do what he wants to do regardless. If he doesn't as a result of the game of chess then he wasn't really a threat and the power of the climax her beating him at the end will be diluted.

Are there no other vehicles to portray their battle of wit?

Yes indeed.

Is this for a short film?

Yes I like this, thanks DPG. Please can others share their views on this.

Thanks also to all who have commented.

When a na?ve schoolgirl is lured into the house of a serial predator, she must outwit him in a game of chess to save her life.

Here's more rewrites:

?A stranded schoolgirl is lured back to the house of a cunning serial predator, where over a chess match she realises her opponent is making sadistic moves to endanger her life, however her survival instincts makes for a worthy opponent that puts him out of play for good.?

Or variant on ending

?A stranded schoolgirl is lured back to the house of a cunning serial predator, where over a chess match she realises her opponent is making sadistic moves to endanger her life, however her survival instincts makes for a worthy opponent that puts an end to his sick games.?

I think you've missed some of the rewrites, as it appears you are referring to the first post.

This logline is phrased as though the sadistic serial predator is the protagonist (it starts and follows their journey until "can she outplay him?"). The red flag there is that you're going to face a challenge making that character likeable. But stranger things have happened.

More concerning is that there is not event that happens TO your protagonist (he deciding to abduct this woman), so the structure of your story is fundamentally broken. Remember, in the first act something has to happen TO the protagonist to shake them from their day to day life and force them to take SOME action in response.

I personally can't stand questions in a logline -- this isn't a pitch, it's a logline. It's the core concept distilled of your movie. There shouldn't be any questions, just the bare bones idea of the film. Right now I don't know what that is. I would instead be clearer with what the protagonist's goal is, and what is at stake if they fail.