Az

Penpusher · 1 points

299 points to Logliner

2 loglines
16 reviews

A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

July 28, 2015
Twenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.

July 27, 2015

on A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

Thanks
on Twenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.

Thanks Clint Cure, you're right and that is a similar premise to this story i.e. people of a small town fearfully wait for the the killer who is to returning to punish the people who put him away. They turn…
on A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

Yes indeed.
on Twenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.

Another rewrite: 'A brave clan leader of a quaint town must face off with his nemesis, a brooding convicted killer out to settle an old score, in a fight til death.'
on A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

Yes I like this, thanks DPG. Please can others share their views on this. Thanks also to all who have commented.
on A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

Here's more rewrites: ?A stranded schoolgirl is lured back to the house of a cunning serial predator, where over a chess match she realises her opponent is making sadistic moves to endanger her life, however her survival instincts makes for…
on A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?

I think you've missed some of the rewrites, as it appears you are referring to the first post.
on Twenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.

Here's another rewrite: 'A brooding convicted killer sets off to a town, seeking vengeance against those responsible for putting him away years ago, with news of this the fearful townsfolk turn to their unyielding clan leader who takes drastic action…
on Twenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.

I mentioned monster once plus he was jailed so I think it's pretty clear he is a man, though call him a monster for the crime he was convicted for. Hope that explains it to you better.
on Twenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.

The latest draft of the logline has the same problem as the original post. Who is the main character? Is it the townsfolk leader? What is a townsfolk leader? Is he or she a sherif? A mayer? Etc? A) He…