A cryptographer, losing touch with reality, discovers that his CIA handler is being exploited as a sex slave. To save her he must abandon his life's work.
Deniable Plausibility
Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
Deniable Plausibility
Hi TOAST.
The element of his handler being exploited as a sex slave sounds almost comedic to me, but I'm not sure it's intended like that. Maybe something like "held prisoner" would alleviate that. Also, the antagonist is elusive here. Clearly, it is whoever is doing the exploiting and the hero's psychosis, but maybe it would benefit the logline to clarify where the main opposition will come from and why the adversary is so formidable to overcome.
Since most, if not all, of us here are not "name" writers, it's my understanding we have to follow convention if we hope to get our work produced. With that in mind, you need your inciting incident no more than 15 pages in, and preferably 10 ... you can't wait til the midpoint.
Also, like dpg, I'm having trouble following/believing. For example, is the woman a handler or is she in the "Joy Division"?
I think you need to streamline your plot (as well as address the issues brought up by dpg). If you do, you could end up with a marketable story.
...................j
Your logline is really misleading.
Reading the plots, it also look like you are making a lot of mistake on the different roles in the secret agencies.
Like DPG said, I cannot buy your concept.
What you describe is not a CIA handler forced as sex slave, but a honey trap agent. Honey trap agents lure people into sex or emotional attachment. They then either threaten to either reveal the affair/misbehaviour or to withdraw the emotional relationship. Honey trap agents are never handler at the same time, too much emotional baggage and security risk.
There is nothing secret and taboo about Joy/honey trap department. Every agencies have some. However there is not a division of honey trap agents waiting to be sent to sweaty men. There are just agents and some are willing to do it. When you are an agent, you must be ready to do unpalatable things. Having sex with a prospect being one of those things. For security reasons, they also tend to use prostitutes that are paid to lure clients/targets. If the protistute is compromised, then she is disposable. She does not know enough to be a security risks.
CIA used to have cryptographers and be top dog in that field, but nowadays any good cryptographer want to work for the NSA. They have better tools, better computing power, better everything a cryptographer would want.
Another mistake is to believe that analysts or cryptographer go on field mission. Analysts and cryptographers in office and cubicles. Except for the security physical and virtual, their office would be like any boring IT place.
Personally I would reframe your story and change the settings without changing the overall plot.
Your plot is as follows:
The hero is pressured by a friend/superior into committing something that he would rather not.
In the mean time, he meet a nice girl. After the small favour turns into disaster, he suddenly realise that the nice girl is just a honey trap set by his so called friend to control him. His world is now spiralling out of control. Having fallen in love with his honey trap, he must decide whether she is worth helping and risking losing his dream life.
You can have the same story in different settings:
- business world. Industrial espionage.
- lawyer world. Banking spying on potential merger.
- political world. The hero is a candidate for an electoral job.