beezeebee

Recent reviews

• on A terminal twenty-something comedienne who sacrificed her social life for unfulfilled stardom struggles to dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse so she won’t have to die alone.

  Yep, that is right Richiev

• on Hiding her psychopathic ego from family and co-workers an emergency department doctor who spends her days healing, and nights hurting, must play a complicated game of cat and mouse when the police start investigating her.

  Hi mobiuswest, I think this sounds like an intriguing concept. All the ingredients for a good idea are here, though some details of the logline could be polished I think. Two things would need clarification for me to make this…

• on When a gay man’s affair is discovered by his alibi wife who only married him to have kids, he must deal with the aftermath of their separation and battle her in court for custodial rights.

  Hi Vince Thanks for the advice. The idea is that she tries to punish him because she loses her face in front of her family, friends and coworkers, not because of him stepping out of the marriage, but because he…

• on Two California girls must cooperate and stop a psychotic cat lady from releasing the big cats from their cages and terrorizing the school kids and the entire zoo.

  Hi RallGamm97 I find the logline as it is written a little bit confusing. Where are the cats coming from and who are the kids? Is there a school right next to the zoo? Why do only the kids and…

• on Asked to help the New York City police identify a body, a geneticist believes they’ve found a Neanderthal, but when she tries to confirm her results she’s hindered at every step by her university and an influential but secretive agency.

  Hi byron79, Sounds like an interesting science thriller to me, if that is what you actually aimed for. The only thing missing in this logline I think is some indication as to why the geneticist has such a burning desire…

• on A record producer must do a makeover for a ugly duckling teenage girl who was bullied and ostracized by her friends to turn her into an attractive overnight pop sensation.

  Hi tony18, While you have a clearly defined goal for your protagonist and a big conflict here, I see several areas of improvement: 1. "A record producer" is not very descriptive. This is an excellent opportunity to give our hero…

• on When two criminal old friends become enemies and seek advice, a clever gangster boss must hide himself to make them end each other, just to learn that time heals all wounds.

  Hi Henrik S, First, I assume that a word is missing here: "... to make them end each other _ ..., " but I'll try to give you my take here anyway, even if the syntax of the sentence makes…

• on A professional interplanetary Anti christ falls in love with the christ figure on a new planet and must find a way to stop Armageddon so they can live happily ever after.

  Hi Hebe, Okay, let's take that logline apart... Protagonist: "A professional interplanetary antichrist..." I'm not certain I know what that means exactly, which makes interpreting the rest of the logline almost impossible. Struggle with Antagonist: "... falls in love with…

• on When a reserved, yet passionate ostrich gets an opportunity to work with a renowned racing trainer, he decides to push himself to the max to win a contest against the most revered racer in the town’s history.

  Hi grbrinkley. While I can see the struggle for a reserved ostrich to win a race competition, I'm not sure I would agree this trait creates the most conflict for he goal he's trying to achieve. As an extreme example,…

• on When a young man meets his girlfriends family for the first time he slowly realises he is in dager and he must get out.

  Hi nines, Sounds like a logline crafted after watching the movie "Get Out," which is even the same genre...

• on When insecure Michelangelo flees to Florence after the pope asks him to paint the Sistine Chapel, he meets an unlikely mentor in a palm reader who prods him into battling his fears so he can become one of the world’s greatest artists.

  Hi Odie. Wasn't even aware of any palm reader in his life. I meant to create some unlikely mentor to have him overcome his insecurities, but hadn't done any research at all. Thanks fo the feedback, I will take it…

• on A cryptographer, losing touch with reality, discovers that his CIA handler is being exploited as a sex slave. To save her he must abandon his life's work.

  Hi TOAST. The element of his handler being exploited as a sex slave sounds almost comedic to me, but I'm not sure it's intended like that. Maybe something like "held prisoner" would alleviate that. Also, the antagonist is elusive here.…

• on Former government agent Liam Dunham is determined to kill his ex-wife Samantha Ryan by any means possible. He becomes like the very terrorists he was trained to fight. Samantha Ryan is a DoD Agency Director determined to protect her son from him, the estranged and monster of an ex husband while trying to prevent an international incident in the process.

  Hi Presario2200, Several issues I see with this logline: 1. Loglines don't mention character names 2. Why is the former agent determined to kill his ex, in other words, what does this accomplish? Is he taking revenge for something? The…

• on After a decade apart, a guilt-ridden Irish banker who is terminally ill must reveal to her American baseball star/ex-boyfriend that her preteen daughter is actually his, so she can die in peace.

  Hi carllord, Sounds more like a character arc than a logline to me. You have an internal development of the hero laid out here, but I am missing the main obstacle keeping the hero from achieving his goal. Since she's…

• on When a teenager discovers he can summon a spiritual beast when in danger, he will have to learn how to control his gift if he is to stop a murder who targets those with abilities like himself.

  Hi KnowledgeKnight, Sounds like a revamp of "Jumper" to me. There the twist is that his own mother was actually one of those who were after "gifted" people. What is the twist in your story and how does it innovate…

• on A knight from the 12th century, a little girl from WW1, a businessman from the 70's, and an explorer from the future all get lost in the same forest, where space is unaltered but time is up for grabs.

  Hi zelozelos, Very cool set-up. I am guessing they all want to find their way out of time-limbo and therefore need to figure out what's going on and how to stop it for the bulk part of the movie?

• on A group of musicians in Portland make their first nation-wide hit, but when faced with the uncertainty of continuing their careers, fake their own deaths for wealth and celebrity.

  Hi zelozelos. I LOVE this idea! So many movies out there about the hero/es getting their first big break and struggling with the usual issues: creative differences, insecurity, what have you, but can't remember a story where they go to…

• on The worlds two worst explorers accidentally find the lost city of El Dorado, only to find that it is in fact hidden deep within North Yorkshire.

  Hi Sam. Love the irony of the incompetent ones finding El Dorado. However, I don't understand where the main conflict is going to come from, which is probably because I can't see a specific goal in this logline. This read…

• on An ethics prof and family man must prove his rehabilitation to a court-appointed psychiatrist when found not guilty of rape by reason of insanity and committed to a mental asylum.

  Thanks, Odie! That slight change simplifies the logline a lot.

• on When a languorous girl is warped through space-time reincarnating in the bodies of famous women after crying for the very first time, she needs to find a way out of limbo before she’ll be trapped forever.

  Hi Hank. Thanks for your response. I agree on the "mysterious man" needing some digging into, but it's great to see that you understand the basic concept and think it could be interesting. Great input!