TOAST

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

4 loglines
37 reviews

Loglines

A cryptographer, losing touch with reality, discovers that his CIA handler is being exploited as a sex slave. To save her he must abandon his life's work.

June 22, 2014
When a kung-fu gang cripples a Chinese chef, a young Australian food critic must learn to cook and fight to save an ancient, mystical duck recipe.

November 29, 2012
Mick is placed in charge of security USB key containing a top secret list of field agents… which gets accidentally eaten by his Scottish Terrier, McCloud. )

November 8, 2012
The B-Team at Australia's Cyber Security Operations Centre are a mix of nerds, screw-ups and outcasts. They are tasked with protecting the nation from cyber crime and foreign espionage.

November 8, 2012

Recent reviews

on A cryptographer, losing touch with reality, discovers that his CIA handler is being exploited as a sex slave. To save her he must abandon his life's work.

OK, some further info: - The guy is a cryptographer. His life long dream is to work for the CIA, as it's the only place on earth that will ever give him meaningful/challenging work. So, his outer goal, initially, is…
on When a delusional shut-in discovers that his favorite webcam model has been kidnapped, he must utilize his detective skills to locate her before she becomes another victim of a rampant madman.

OK, does he have no skills and is delusional about it (like 'Kick Ass") Or does he *think* he has no skills, but the obscure skills he does have prove to be useful (like many martial arts films).
on When a delusional shut-in discovers that his favorite webcam model has been kidnapped, he must utilize his detective skills to locate her before she becomes another victim of a rampant madman.

Again, think fatal flaw. Mark Zuckerberg may have been delusional. Gordon Gecko was delusional. Neurotic may be closer to the mark. How about "Agoraphobic" (look it up. Hitchcock used this somewhat). Even "Social-phobic". There's a Japanese term "Hikkikomori", but you…
on When a delusional shut-in discovers that his favorite webcam model has been kidnapped, he must utilize his detective skills to locate her before she becomes another victim of a rampant madman.

Meh, "rampent madmen" are a dime a dozen these days. Serbian people-traffickers... are some scary shit. (I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't…
on When a delusional shut-in discovers that his favorite webcam model has been kidnapped, he must utilize his detective skills to locate her before she becomes another victim of a rampant madman.

Meh. How about "NO" skills. The man has NO skills. He has to save the girl. She's his only hope of love. She is now lost... And he has NO skills. What's he going to do? (Let's watch and find…
on When a delusional shut-in discovers that his favorite webcam model has been kidnapped, he must utilize his detective skills to locate her before she becomes another victim of a rampant madman.

Yup. There are no "detective skills" unless you're doing film noir. All there is, is CSI and paperwork.
on When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.

PS, If you want, you can drop that she's a single Mum from the logline... but don't change the character! A single mother character is awesome. Even bring the child in as a secondary character (either as comic relief, or…
on When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.

dpg: Like you're idea. Cross the nullabor... get the girl. But what if... You've got 150km to cross, and an hour an a half to do it. Else you lose the girl for good. GO! GO! GO! It worked for…
on When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.

Watch the gimmicks a little. "When a long-distance truck driver falls for a city-dwelling single mum, he must cross the nullabor and (overcome his own fatal flaw) to win her heart (or else... something urgent)" Suggest focussing on the flaw(s)…
on An extroverted overweight attorney-turned-actress falls in love with an introverted younger personal trainer and embarks on a life-changing romance. Even though they both know from the beginning that they want different things in life and their time together is limited, they risk their hearts to learn from each other until it is time to say goodbye.

Richie: Sure, it's a "slice of life", but there's TRUE tension and conflict here. It's a struggle as large as any life-or-death decision. To stay on a "steady, secure, known" path, or to risk it all on a roll of…
on An extroverted overweight attorney-turned-actress falls in love with an introverted younger personal trainer and embarks on a life-changing romance. Even though they both know from the beginning that they want different things in life and their time together is limited, they risk their hearts to learn from each other until it is time to say goodbye.

I'm guessing you have a good concept, but need to work on your logline. Tighten, tighten. Extrovert / introvert are good character traits, indeed, but see if you can think of a "fatal flaw". Even something with dramatic irony if…
on It's February 1930, just months after Black Tuesday. In light of their financial woes, a small-town mortician and his arrogant wife start murdering the rich to keep their beloved funeral home afloat.

Questioning how the 1929 crash comes into the story. It's an interesting time in history, and centered on Wall Street. The 1930s depression was more... nation-wide, and would have a different feel to it. (UNLESS of course some of the…
on The pro-justice covert rodent group, Anonymouse, hacks the Rat Mob?s plans, but when the Rats get wind of the hackers the mice must scurry underground to prevent the rat mobsters from following through on their nefarious baby mouse smuggling ring.

+10 points for "Maxwell Mouse". I'm stealing that. (I'm kidding, I'm kidding)
on The pro-justice covert rodent group, Anonymouse, hacks the Rat Mob?s plans, but when the Rats get wind of the hackers the mice must scurry underground to prevent the rat mobsters from following through on their nefarious baby mouse smuggling ring.

Lay off the mouse, rat stuff. The story needs to work without it. Sure, the concept of an animated mouse/rat cyber/hacker thing is great. But "just because it's animated mice" won't save a poor story (See, Dreamworks vs. pixar). I'm…
on After he?s mislead and rejected by a straight guy, a frustrated, angry, gay man struggles to regain his personal power by trying to control, bed and degrade a straight hustler with a dangerous drug addiction.

Again, stakes need to be higher. What does he lose. His dignity? That might not be enough for a film. If he's in danger of losing his *family*, or his *life*.... better. But even "risks losing his job" is pretty…
on When a 13th century timewarp swallows a disillusioned mathamatician in the middle of his calculus exam, he is stranded by time, with 20 minutes left to finish the test he must calculate the years and circumnavigate fate in his final answer.

I'd love to see a film with lots of maths in it. I love maths.
on When a 13th century timewarp swallows a disillusioned mathamatician in the middle of his calculus exam, he is stranded by time, with 20 minutes left to finish the test he must calculate the years and circumnavigate fate in his final answer.

Mathematicians don't take calculus exams. Or any exams. Unless you're talking about a 13th century mathematician going forward in time. Which wouldn't work as calculus wasn't invented until Leibniz / Newton Focus on the antagonists/obstacles. Is the dude running around…
on The schizoid daughter of America?s most prolific serial killer, must assist the FBI in catching the man who has begun reenacting her father?s murders.

Double check your mental illnesses, noting the difference between Schizoidal, Schizotypal, Schizophrenic, Delusional, Psychotic, Bipolar, Hikkikomori, and just "weird". If you insist on "Schizoid" do your research. Although I suggest it may be way easier for you to choose "reclusive"…
on When a obscene female human guinea pig volunteers to test a new pharmacutical, she discovers the company is killing the subjects, now sympathetic she has 1000 hours to find a cure before the drug kills them all dead.

a couple of comments. "Obscene female human guinea pig". Is this... a woman, who instead of having a real job earns money by being a "human guinea pig". If so, make it clearer. (BTW, I'd watch this. Interesting premise. She's…
on When a disabled surgeon is appointed by the Queen's Secret Court to investigate murders in the ghettos of Future London, he must destroy an alien threat within the Aristocracy.

PS, I see you've taken previous feedback and improved your work. Well done. That's half the battle.