jjb

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1 points to Penpusher

3 loglines
14 reviews

A dorky accountant has to overcome his fear of the ocean and learn to surf in order to attend a father-son surf competition so his son can hang with the cool kids, one of whose dads just so happens to be his high school nemesis.

January 11, 2013
When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

January 5, 2013
Jack loves three things ? his family, pussy and profanity ? when his son drops the c-bomb at school, his wife gives him an ultimatum, sex or swearing.

January 5, 2013

on A dorky accountant has to overcome his fear of the ocean and learn to surf in order to attend a father-son surf competition so his son can hang with the cool kids, one of whose dads just so happens to be his high school nemesis.

Thanks patrockable, that really tightens it up... I feel guilty running with that now, it's like you've done all the work!
on A dorky accountant has to overcome his fear of the ocean and learn to surf in order to attend a father-son surf competition so his son can hang with the cool kids, one of whose dads just so happens to be his high school nemesis.

Thanks. I agree that it's too verbose... Stakes... well, the real stakes are to get his son's acceptance. That's stronger than his son hanging with the cool kids... but not sure if it's strong enough. The concept is intended to…
on While being pursued by police and a protection team, David Porter must find the legendary Tony Bill to pay off a gambling debt; or he's dead

I like the alternate version. Tony Bill is a legend in the world you are creating, I don't think it matters that we don't know who he/it is.
on When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

That's a fair point, patrockable, however, the character I'm trying to create can't simply do that. But if I can't get that across in the logline, then I have issues.
on When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

Main external goal is to win back the affections of his wife, who is being hit on by his high school nemesis. I'm just struggling to get it in the logline without bogging it down. Back to the drawing board.…
on When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

Good feedback. I think hyphenated is correct. When I try and get the antagonist, high school nemesis (and also son's new teacher) and protagonist's final goal (overcome swearing to be at one with himself and bring his family together), the…
on When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

I posted another logline of this concept earlier. This version doesn't mention the protagonists love of sex (previously pussy!). Interested in which one you think is better.
on A devoted wife suspecting infidelity poisons her children to hurt her husband and now she must right her wrong and conceal the truth when she later realizes her mistake.

*new*
on A devoted wife suspecting infidelity poisons her children to hurt her husband and now she must right her wrong and conceal the truth when she later realizes her mistake.

Have a read of 'A Fraction of the Whole', a novel by Steve Tolz. Not only is it a ripping and hilarious black comedy, there is a sub plot that has similar executional elements to your idea. I dare say…
on Jack loves three things ? his family, pussy and profanity ? when his son drops the c-bomb at school, his wife gives him an ultimatum, sex or swearing.

Thanks, timmyelliot, I have given some insight into why Jack loves swearing so much below...