With the help of his undead lost love, a reluctant store manager must return to the island where she was slain to prevent the escape of a primitive evil before the anniversary of her death.

Hi Odie,

I like the idea - and that you have a hero fighting for a dead love. ?I think Nir is right, you need some more clarity between the elements in this logline, or, reading your response to guswakey, I wonder if you need to phrase it completely differently. ?Here are my thoughts:

• Why HIM and why he MUST stop the evil escaping needs to made clear in the logline.
• You say only he can save his girl...but she's already dead. ?Is it her soul he's saving?
• What will the evil do if it escapes? ?Is this the stakes or is his girl the stakes? ?Or both?
• I agree, maybe steering clear of 'corpse' is a good thing! LOL... are we talking more an enchanting spirit/sexy ghost/basically a dead version of her live self?
• Is the type of store he runs a twist to your tale or what makes him perfect for the job? ?It may help to divulge this as his descriptor (rather than 'reluctant'... almost all protagonists are reluctant at first... doesn't he want to save her soul or is he in denial/a coward/what?)
• Is her appearance the inciting incident for the film, so we're a year on... or are you placing this straight after the time he breaks the rule/her death and making that the inciting incident?
• I'm not sure we need to know about the island in the logline, or necessarily that she helps him... it's his mission and we need to know what sparks it, why only he can fix it, what he's up against, and what the stakes are.
• Maybe along the lines of: A XXX store manager must undo the evil curse he?inadvertently?unleashed?to save the soul of his murdered girlfriend before XXX.
• Or: ?Haunted by?visions of his murdered girlfriend, a cowardly XXX must undo?an evil curse intent on devouring her soul on the anniversary of her death.

Regards
Trix