While cleaning out his attic, Michael Street stumbles across a journal left by his dying dad years earlier. As far back as Michael can remember his dad was tormented by bad dreams. Michael will soon discover that those bad dreams are not that far behind.

Just a quick shout out to all those pushing the green plus button..working hard at it.

When a son?s distant psychotic father is placed in hospice care, two tragic deaths within the family spurs a renewed connection when he realizes his father?s old paintings are precognitive visions of his murder and try?s to save himself.

When an ill father?s paintings become precognitive visions of murder, a son must use whats left of his mind to prevent being killed and save his family.

After a son?s long lost mentally ill father (famous painter) is placed in hospice care, both his children tragically drown which spurs a renewed connection between them in which he realizes his father?s paintings are precognitive visions of his murder and must use whats left of his fathers mind to prevent being killed and enact revenge for his children.

Hi don, you can use 9/11 as the reason why the father descended into madness. He could see what was coming, but could not convince anybody before. The vision of all those people dying caused him to finally break down. Everybody assume that it was due to one of his son dying during the attack, when it was the other way around.
When a meek architect discovers that his committed father has the ability to paint future, he must race to stop and elucidate the next murder depicted in the painting: him killing his wife and children.

Hi Don Curbow --

Whilst I find elements to this intriguing, overall I am left pretty clueless as to what actually happens in this story.. 'distant psychotic father...' ?? -- does this mean his father is psychotic, but lives on the other side of the world, or is just emotionally distant (due to him being psychotic?)... 'spurs a renewed connection...' -- a connection to who? His father?.. and why is it renewed? Were they estranged?...
"...visions of his murder" -- who's murder? The protag or his father??

In all, there's just too many questions that go begging at the moment.

There are many rules that go along with creating a logline; some are there for good reason, some are worth breaking -- but for mine, the most important rule, one than cannot afford to be broken is: it has to make sense...

Below is just my spin, taking obvious liberties etc...:

'A disgraced ex-cop seeks redemption over his children?s deaths after discovering his father?s paintings are precognitive depictions of unsolved murders, including the murder of his children by his estranged wife.'

When a son?s distant psychotic father is placed in hospice care, two tragic deaths within the family spurs a renewed connection when he realizes his father?s old paintings are precognitive visions of his murder.

DPG is right - the guy's profession doesn't matter for the logline. It would only matter if it made a difference in the outline of the plot, and it doesn't.

I think the second one you have there is stronger. Drowning deaths of children are horribly tragic, so from a dramatic standpoint, it's very powerful. Keep that, and the precognitive dreams.

Now by 'wife' - is this an ex, an estranged wife, or what? Are they together at the time?

If you write the logline right, you can imply getting revenge on his wife, saving himself and delivering justice to his kid without having to lay it out like that.

You're on the right track with that last one but it's still way too long and could be made a lot simpler. Delete drowning too - all that's probably needed is that the deaths were unexplained.

Logline

When an engineer?s distant father is placed in hospice care, two tragic deaths within the family spurs a renewed connection when he realizes his psychotic father?s old paintings are precognitive visions of his murder and try?s to save himself.

Plot

An architectural engineer try?s to comprehend the unexplained drowning deaths of his children by finding paintings his father secretly held which hold precognitive dreams about his own future which he then unravels to solve the betrayal of his wife and co-workers murderous love triangle in a non-stop thriller to prevent his own death, enact revenge against his wife, and deliver justice for his children.

When an architectural engineer?s distant father is placed in hospice care, a tragic loss within the family spurs a renewed connection when he realizes his psychotic father?s paintings are precognitive visions of his murder.

It's funny how you mentioned a trap..since thats the ending of my movie.

Very interesting..and whats worse is that I like it..which means I have to re-write..you can reach me on LInkedIN for credit purposes on the project.

I'll redo the logline..give me a few

Rather than your hero reading his deceased father's journal, add more drama and tension by keeping the father alive. He is currently living in a place for crazy people. Your hero visits him regularly and is upset at seeing him drifting away. His father has always been a great artist but his mental health has been deteriorating. One day your hero recognises places and events from his father painting.
He starts investigating and is now convinced that his father has visions and precognitive knowledge of future events. However now his father is under too much medications to be able to help. All he can is painting furiously scenes that indicates that his family will be killed. Your hero now has to stop the murders from occurring while in the same time amend his relationship with his father and release him from the hospital.
If he fails, he and his family dies, his sane but pre-cogniscient father is locked up in a asylum while the bad guy profit from the father preminicence.
As a twist, your hero may use his pre-event knowledge of a crime scene to set up a trap.

My concern is that given the brevity of a logline, every word should count, relate to something that is absolutely necessary to the conflict and outcome of the plot.

The general rule is that a character description in a logline should refer to a character flaw that is pivotal to the outcome of the plot; the character must overcome it in order to succeed. Or alternately, a character description could be a character strength or ability that is absolutely essential for the character to have in order to succeed.

If his being an architectural engineer is not pivotal to his success or failure in the story -- if he could just as well succeed (or fail) if he were a web designer or a musician or a plumber-- then that description is extraneous to a logline. Use it in your plot if that's the way you want to go, but I don't think it needs to be stated in a logline.

>>>I dont have any background in therapy work to know the information to write about it.

Make him a street person, a homeless schizophrenic [Seattle has their fair share] who keeps encountering the main character on his way to work, who insists on telling him -- and only him -- his dreams. Which, of course, the man initially dismisses as delusional rants, until...

Well...I dont have any background in therapy work to know the information to write about it..I mean I like your log line and yes thats a great movie for someone, just not me. This movie is based out of Seattle and I haven't seen a movie with an architect in it..let alone a lead character..and to put it bluntly..its what I saw in my dream for this movie. If I would have said that first your might have not gotten this far with my reply. Soo..this is what I saw and my belief is I must follow it,.. I know its not main stream and could be dull..but most of the movie isn't even centered around him having that job..its more of detective type suspense. But showing off Seattle is a good thing..great city.

Sorry so long..
Curbs

Any particular reason why the main character has to be an architectural engineer?

When an architectural engineer realizes his late father?s drawings are precognition visions of murder, he must find and prevent his family from being killed.

thanks for your help.

For your consideration:

When a psychotherapist realizes that his patient's violent dreams are precognition visions of murder, he must find and stop the murderer before he kills his next victim -- the psychotherapist.

(30 words)

Notes: a psychotherapist interacting with a person is more visually interesting -- after all, cinema is a visual medium -- and more dramatically compelling than someone reading an inanimate journal.

All the other elements, mysterious deaths of loved ones, betrayal, etc. may be still be incorporated in the plot, but it seems to me they aren't necessary for the logline. First of all, there isn't enough space anyway to cram it all in. And second, the 30 word version highlights the hook of the story which is precognition dreaming-- not criminal activity.

An architectural engineer try?s to comprehend the unexplained drowning deaths of his children by finding a journal his psychotic late father left behind in his attic which holds precognitive dreams about his own future which he then unravels to solve the betrayal of his wife and co-workers murderous love triangle in a non-stop thriller to prevent his own death, enact revenge against his wife, and deliver justice for his children.

Yeah, it's not easy. A logline straddles the line between a tell and a tease.

Here's what I'm guessing about your story: a grieving father finds his late father's journal in the attic. The journal contains a discovery -- new information.

About... about...

About bad dreams his father had? About how his children really died? Some other information about some unspecified villains that he can use to get revenge?

I know there has been a discovery but I don't know what it is or what it means for the plot. (His father had bad dreams? So what? How does that trigger anything else that happens in the story?) The logline doesn't tell me where the story will go/ what the main character MUST do as a result of this new information. If a plot is a conspiracy against the protagonist, then a logline is a precis of the main character's struggle to defeat that conspiracy.

fwiw.

An architectural engineer try?s to comprehend the unexplained deaths of his children by using a dream journal his late father left behind which holds mysterious clues to solve the betrayal of his wife and co-workers murderous love triangle in a non-stop chase to prevent his own death, enact revenge, and deliver justice.

My problem is I've been thinking the logline is what the comsumer will read..duh..its what a producer will read..then film..then make the hook. Got it..sorry this is taking so long!

Hate to keep hammering away on the same nail, Donn Curbow, but a logline should clearly indicate where the story is going; it should clearly disclose the objective goal of the main character -- what he plans to do /must do; and it should clearly ID the antagonist or principal obstacle or threat.

"He uses to revenge murder and betrayal" is incomplete -- who betrayed him? Who is the antagonist on whom he wants to take revenge?

"Face the loss" looks backwards to the past. The real question is: how will he face the future? What does he intend to do about the "loss of his children". "To face" that loss is weak and undramatic. It's better for the the loss to be reframed for the purpose it serves in a plot, as a dramatic trigger, a motivation for action, in this case revenge.

or...

A father's last gift left behind in an attic for his son becomes the tool he uses to revenge murder and betrayal. An architectural engineer try's to face the loss of his children and discovers a secret that could kill him.

Left behind in an attic for his son as a father?s last gift becomes the tool he uses to revenge murder and betrayal. An architectural engineer try?s to face the loss of his children and discovers a secret that could kill him.

Alas, I'm left more "puzzled" than ever. What I expect from a logline is a statement about what the main character wants to do, what he must do because of the change in circumstances and/or information revealed by the inciting incident. A causal concatenation of information, events and choices follow from the inciting incident that culminate at the end of Act 1 in the main character committing to a specific course of action, to a specific objective goal.

What is that specific goal for this character? What does he hope to achieve?

And what's at stake? What does he win if he succeeds in assembling the puzzle? What does he lose if he fails?

What will be the consequences if he rejects the "call" of the inciting incident to solve a "puzzle"? Which is another way of asking: "what's so important about the diary, or revealed in it, that the main character MUST change the direction of his life, do things differently?

While cleaning out his attic, a journal left behind by a dead father puts the future in front of a son..a path not chosen for himself, but a fathers last gift. What if life was a puzzle and you had some of the pieces, would you build it?

First of all, a logline usually does not name a character; rather it defines a character in terms of a flaw, skill or desperate need. What is the main character's particular flaw, skill or desperate need?

And an inciting incident is a trigger event; it forces change; the main character's life will never be the same. How does the discovery of the diary force change?

And where is the story going? What is the irresistible bait, something that grabs our attention and makes us want to know what happens next?

As a result of discovering the diary, what becomes the main character's objective goal? And what is at sake? That is, what does the main character stand to gain or lose by the consequences that flow from his discovery, from the decision he makes as a result of the discovery?