When obsession turns to murder, writer Joe Pittman must find and stop the one responsible for turning his dreams into a nightmare, before his secret can be revealed.

Thanks for the feedback guys. You were absolutely right - lots of words but nothing really said. "When his agent is killed, a troubled writer with a dark past must find and confront an obsessed fan before they can kill again." seems to work bettr.

I have no idea what your story's about, because you seem to use a lot of words to say nothing.

Specifics will pique the readers interests far more than generalities.

Hope that helped, good luck with this!

>>When obsession turns to murder
Whose obsession? The writer's, I'm assuming, but It's not clear to me.

>>writer Joe Pittman
The character's name is not usually part of a logline. What is usually a part of a logline is an adjective (or 2) about a character flaw that creates doubt (hence, suspense) as to whether the character can overcome the adversity, reach his objective goal.

>>turning his dreams into a nightmare
What does that mean? Nightmare or nightmares? Literally? If it means what I think it means then aren't his dreams nightmares to begin with? This totally confuses me.

>>his secret is revealed
What's at stake? That is, so what if his secret gets out? What difference will it make? What's the jeopardy? Who will suffer as a result?

I sum, I just can't get a handle on what the story is about.