4 reviews
Also, does you indie movie director have a goal? Is he about to lose his home? Is his wife making him quit unless he makes a hit film? (She has given him 10 years to follow his dream, now with only a few months left this is his last chance) Is he about to lose his company?
The lead having a goal could also help distinguish your story. (Just a thought)
Nir and SavinhO are giving good advice. As it reads now, it is simply Blair Witch in the desert, adding a few specifics will help separate your story from that story.
Monster is vague. What monster? Is it a giant ant, Bigfoot, an alien out for human brains? It doesn't add that many words to name the monster. It will help to be specific.
Agreed with Savinh0.
What is unique about this monster or group of characters? More importantly, what will the filmmaker do to save their lives? Or in other words, what is the main action he will take to defeat the monster?
Lastly comment (and very important for loglines); GRAMMAR...