When an ex-con returns home to find his estranged daughter depressed by an ugly world, he aims to make the entire town litter-free in an attempt to win her back.

Okay, so the problem I was having is that it seemed weird to have "must" for something relating to picking up trash... and I see why you were leaning toward "clean up the place"... litter seems like an oddly specific choice. But it's achievable and concrete, unlike also including removing all the graffiti, getting people off the streets, sheltering stray animals, maybe lessening crime... it's ambiguous, which was part of dpg's feedback was when I tried to not be so specific. And mike was thinking that an ex-con with an estranged daughter was painfully cliche. He thought the terminal man with lung cancer was better... but I thought that was just as cliche.

So after all of the feedback I've gotten, what do you think of this?

When an indicted drug-dealer finds her kid brother depressed by her town’s infamous squalor, she must help him make it litter-free before her court date in an effort to see him smile again.

Pretty solid

One more attempt...

When he finds out his estranged daughter is festering in a squalid town, an ex-con must clean up the place, in an effort to save her soul.

Hi Scott,

I’ll give this a go…

When an ex-con returns home to find his estranged daughter depressed by an ugly world, he aims to make the entire town litter-free in an attempt to win her back.

INTENTION: must make the entire town litter-free (?).
OBSTACLE: ?

When he returns home to find his estranged daughter living in a squalid town, an ex-con, trying to start fresh, aims to clean up the place, in order to win her back.

- The problem here is “aims”. It should be a “must” - as if he has no choice. Usually if it’s “aims” or “attempts” - the protagonist at any point could easily give up and go home. We like it when our protagonist’s are in it to win it.

How about…

Upon finding out his estranged daughter is trapped in a squalid small town, an ex-con, trying to start fresh, must clean up the place, in an effort to win her back.

- “Trapped” might be too much. Perhaps “festering”?

Hmm. Could go deeper.

Upon finding out his estranged pregnant daughter is festering in a squalid, drug-filled town, an ex-con, desperate to start fresh, must clean up the place, in an effort to save her from herself.

(This one sounds quite gritty and intense. Admittedly - not sure if "desperate to start fresh" is necessary to the logline.)

Anyways - good luck with this.

Hope this helps.

There's an element to the story I'd like to preserve where the litter cleaning gets public attention, and that unexpected fame leads to "good intentions getting punished", for a bittersweet ending. I agree that the ex-con and estranged daughter is cliche, but I was feeling that being terminal with lung-cancer was also horribly cliche. I've been trying to avoid cliches, and that's why I knew I wanted to change out the cancer, but... I find when you don't have one of these extraordinary tropes, people just don't seem to care about the story. Inevitably an ex-con is going to have estranged children. I came up with this alternative:

When an indicted drug-dealer sees her kid brother depressed by an ugly world, she aims to make their entire town litter-free before her upcoming trial in an attempt to make him smile again.

I can see it having a bit of a "Buffaloed" vibe, maybe making it start out as a big PR stunt.

Just realised in previous versions, he was terminal. I think this was stronger too as it added some urgency.

I feel like the ex-con thing is irrelevant to the plot. It just feels like something that explains his absence but after his return home, it's somewhat redundant. In previous versions, you said he was a litterbug - I thought this was stronger. I almost feel like it's a cliche for ex-cons to have estranged children. If she was pissed off with her father because of his criminal activity, picking up some rubbish doesn't show that he's changed, so why should it change her opinion of him. Cleaning up the town should change the thing that has led to his daughter's estrangement.

Couldn't he be the boss at a huge international company that is in the news (in the world of the film) for polluting, chemical spills, general unenvironmentally friendly activities or whatever? Or just a lazy guy who thinks recycling is for hippies?

I feel like there needs to be a ticking clock. He needs a deadline. Maybe he's terminal and the only thing he has is a reputation for being a litterbug, or a polluter, etc etc. Or he's been convicted of a crime and is heading to prison but decides to clean up the town beforehand.

There's something in this idea, I'm just not sure it's there yet. Hope this all makes sense and is helpful in some way.

Great logline. Looking forward to seeing it.