Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
A concept for a feature I want to write. I wanna test the idea before diving into writing it. Tell me if it builds interest. Any feedback wanted!
The logline is a little hard to read, so a little clarity might help
"When the photo he took with a mysterious new camera shows himself committing murder, an avid lens collector..." (Must discover the origins of the camera if he is to avoid his murderous fate)
The part in parenthesis is just guesswork.
You have a lead character: Avid lens collector (original)
You have the inciting incident: A picture of a murder (I think you are saying, a picture of the lead committing a murder, but not sure)
Goal: I am not sure from reading your logline what the lead characters' tangible goal is, that's why I added the part in parenthesis.
Ok. After the help of all of those that posted on this one and with a little help from my partner, we revised the logline and? both feel it is a good fit.
When a possessed camera converts an innocent portrait into a depiction of predestined murder, a camera collector must resist fate to save her lover's life.
Yep, he should be a camera collector or just film restorer ?lens collector? just doesn?t sound right and I think general audience won?t have the knowledge of it so would waste time explaining the difference.
It reminds me of the Red Dwarf episode where mutated development fluid allows to travel into the photo within the confines of the photo
Definitely an interesting hook. A camera that predicts the future? Or a possible future at least?
Agree with the others.
As Richiev flagged up, this is kinda just the inciting incident. We need to know what he plans to do about it. What's his objective goal?
As Richiev said.? And instead of "avid lens collector" why not just say avid camera collector?
>>>Is it better to be straight to the point instead of leaving a logline open ended?
A logline should never give away the ending, but it should clearly indicate where the plot is going as defined by the protagonist's objective goal motivated by the inciting incident.