When a young boy would rather live in his daydreams than face the harsh truth of his bullied school boy existence, his teacher and parents must rescue him before he is lost forever.

Daydream Believer

6 reviews

Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai · 1,742 pts

I agree with the thread above but ... "reach him before he's lost forever", or even "rescue him" as goals are just too vague. It's not clear what that would entail visually. Does it mean entering his dreams a la Inception, or does it mean sitting with him in a series of psychiatrist sessions? The budgets for the two, and the type of story being told, are so varied, you need to clarify this in your logline.

"When her son becomes catatonic as a result of brutal schoolyard bullying, a (what is your PROTAGONIST's flaw, not the kid's flaw) single mother MUST DO THIS TO REVIVE HIM. (Maybe she needs to get money to pay for therapy. Maybe she has to sleep with the twisted but brilliant therapist who is the only one who can get through to her son. Whatever it is, the goal needs to be MUCH more clearly defined.)

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Oops, I just re-read my logline, It doesn't need the word 'into' and 'Lost' is a stronger word than forever and I should have ended with it.
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"When her son enters a dream state after being bullied, a determined mother must discover a way to reach him before he's forever lost."
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I am not quite happy with the word 'reach' but can't think of a better one at the moment.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

"When her son enters into a dream state after being bullied, a determine mother must discover a way to reach him before he's lost forever."