Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
Sick (3rd draft, Extreme Horror)
Everything Nir Shelter. The 50 word version is still confusing (and too long).
Simplify, simplify. For example, "apparent mass murder" is not the inciting incident -- it's a result of the inciting incident, the outbreak of the fungus infection. So it's not needed in the logline -- save it for the story proper.
Also the logline frames the protagonist's role and struggle in the passive voice ("is charged with...", "thrust into a battle...). The protagonist's role and struggle should be stated in the active voice -- with verbs that tell what he does, not what is done to him.
Michael.
I know you are excited about the idea and I share your enthusiasm for writing in that respect as one has to be excited as you are to be able to write. However if I may be frank (as I am known all to well for being...) I think your intensions are blinding you from understanding the comments given regarding the concept. I say this only because I want to help you in the most constructive way I can.
There appears to be little if any cause and effect relationship (in the logline) between the mass murder and the oil exec battling fungus infected people this is the crux of the problem with the concept.
In my mind only after finding a solution to this problem will this logline be worth while developing into a script. Note the list of simple questions I posted above it would do a lot of good to answer these in point form single answers to help clarify the concept for yourself.
In detail regarding your recent posts.
"...a primordial fungus that infects the crew and co-opts them to spread itself?a la the zombie ant fungus. This works by amping up their libido exponentially?a la They Came From Within."
an interesting idea will need clarification via exposition early on in act one though. Can you risk dedicating one or two scenes to exposition so early on?
"That?s all backstory to the opening and therefore just the setup." If so this need not be in the logline.
"The MC is stationed in Barrow, Alaska and it is his job to manage the crisis for the corporation..." this is a vague description of his job as we can't envisage what manage a crisis means. Will he be the only person allowed on the oil rig? Will he be giving news interviews and speaking on behalf of the company? Will he be attending the homes of the victims families? Better to use specifics than general vague descriptions.
"His flaw is that he is suffering from the flu..." This is not a character flaw this is a medical condition easily curable at that. A flaw requires your character to over come an obstacle stopping him from changing into a better person. This is what will enable your character to arch over the story from being one way to being another way by the end. The external journey of achieving the main plot goal acts as a metaphor for his inner journey to becoming a better human being.
"He comes to in the hospital where he begins to discover that the infection is spreading through the staff." The MC arrived at the location of act 3 by chance not his own doing. There he will fight the bad thing and save the day thanks to luck. He was brought to this place making him a passive protagonist Aristotle pleaded play writes of his time to not do this and his please still stand today.
I hope this helps.
I think this version should do it:
When an apparent mass murder shuts down production on an Arctic oil rig, a feverish junior oil exec is charged with managing the crisis only to find himself thrust into a battle for survival as an ancient fungus infects the first responders co-opting them into violent spore spreading rapists.
This keeps it to the 50 word max I have allowed myself. It also hits the major beats of the story. The protagonist is summed up including his being ill. The antagonist is rather clearly stated and so is the conflict--survival! It is a Pandora's Box meets Monster in the House story.
Thank you all for your help. This has been very instructive.
MLD