Two middle-aged misfits wrestle with their selective memories as they retrace the steps of a wild teenage holiday hoping to find their dead friend?s estranged son.

by Outfox Code Logliner · 301 pts 807 views

4 reviews

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

AHarper84:

Thanks for the clarification. I find the premise of a misadventure-riddled road trip/quest appealing, but the setup you have in mind seems to lack, well, momentum.? It seems to me to lack an inciting incident strong enough to push them out of their comfy inertia, energize with them with a compelling reason to go on a quest for the son.

And, again, what are the stakes?? Why MUST they find the long lost son? What is to be gained by finding the son and telling him , in effect; "The father who took no responsibility for raising or supporting you is dead.? And he died a deadbeat drunk, so there's not even an estate for you to inherit as a compensation for his being a derelict father."? No doubt, the the son will be thankful to hear the tidings.? As if?

Have you considered a setup where he may have died drunk, but he didn't die poor?? That -- come to find out? -- he left a lot of money and a will designating it all got to his son.? Son, what son? And one of the two men has been designated as the executor of the will, so it's his job to find the son.

And then there's the mother.? If it's important to find the son, what about her, the victim of the one night stand?? Isn't it as equally important to find and notify her?

The premise in this story suggests that the quest will climax in some kind of? emotional consummation .? There will be a cathartic closure of unresolved business between a loser father and? his neglected and abandoned son.? And right now, I just can't imagine what that might be.

fwiw

CraigDGriffiths Singularity · 20,463 pts

Misfits is by far the most overused and pointless word in any logline. For the reader to understand why someone is a misfit and what that looks like, they must first understand what the culture and normal people in that culture look and act like.

Describe what makes them misfits. Also why is that important to this story? They are wrestlers that immediately leave the world of wrestling.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

"When their best friend dies, two octagenarians must track down his wild son, but following the clues is complicated by a severe case of 'old timers' "