4 reviews
As Nir Shelter said, SouthWestSusie, a logline should lead off with the inciting incident.
One thing your logline was on the right track to do was to frame the reversal of fortune, their initial expectation/goal (weekend getaway) in contrast to how events play out (a ?road trip to escape...). ?I changed ?"road trip" to "crime spree" because that is what their flight becomes and it ?worsens their predicament, ?ultimately seals their fate.
Hi SouthWestSuise
Yes. You describe the inciting incident - killing the sexual assailant, too late in the logline. Everything before that event can be cut from the logline - it doesn't directly describe the A plot.
Good re work by DPG.
It's important to frame the plot between an event at the start of the story and en event at the end - the inciting incident and goal.