Revision: Trapped into a lease with his ex-wife, a depressed writer must navigate the intricacies of single life, but when he falls for his married boss, life gets so much more complicated.

4 reviews

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts ★ Accepted

Like your last attempt, the premise is interesting. However, after the set-up of being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife, the rest of your story goes off in a different direction.

You have such a strong setup, the story should be about being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife. That's your hook.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

The logline gives the protagonist a problem and a major complication but it fails to give him a dramatic objective goal.

Given the problem, given the complication what must he do?? What becomes his objective goal?

variable Summitry · 18,541 pts

I loved knightrider's take on a previous version:
When offered a publishing deal for his guide to a successful marriage book, a struggling writer must convinces his ex to pretend to be his wife for a year while he finishes and publishes his book.
ha!!
Otherwise "navigating the intricacies of single life" seems vague & needs to be translated into a certain objective visual goal