On the brink of World War II a patriotic boy is ready to die for his Poland. Blitzed the Nazi tyranny conscripts him into the German army, the struggle becomes a quest for survival.

As much as we must strive to make perfect loglines . The bottom line is connecting with the industry until someone sees its potential. And it's no secret that is the biggest hurdle for any unproduced writer.
http://whatculture.com/film/anatomy-of-a-masterpiece-roman-polanskis-the-pianist.php

The log line for "The Pianist" is: A Polish Jewish musician struggles to survive the destruction of the Warsaw ghetto during World War II.

Yes, the industry prefers strong characters who can take charge of their fate and so the audience is served extensively. I developed my story from the view of the ordinary guy, his knowledge and culture of that time, and not to forget his Catholicism. Over and over I hear in the industry "give us the same, but different." But when a writer delivers as such, the risks are too high, the story does bad in in a computer analysis.

Platoon, Apocalypse Now, The Tin Drum, Slaughterhouse Five, The Deer Hunter, The Pianist to name a few had an enormous impact showing war differently.

I personally think the audience goes to a war movie to "feel" what it was like in those days. Experience the brutality, misery, death, as the iconic Saving Private Ryan does so well in the D-Day attack. That "feel" is even more strong with a common protagonist we can identify with because he represents the majority of us. Although we admire the hero, we also know we could never be like him, we can just look up to him. That creates a different experience of the war "feel." The audience understands historical conflicts are not myths. My next project is set in the future. With superheroes.

Thanks for contributing fellow writers. I redefined the protagonist's goal as "freedom." To be continued.

I can't speak for war films in other countries, but I think the Vietnam War terminated with extreme prejudice, romantic, sanitized depictions of war in US films.

A trenchant observation, nicholasandrewswhalls: survival is the primary stakes in war movies. And I would agree with your points as they apply to most stories.

BUT, as Fred Wohlert said, the story is about a protagonist who has no choice as to his objective goal. He's forced to fight and the only thing goal he can have is to survive.That is a tough sell as a movie concept no matter how polished the log line. Because people prefer movie myths about characters who can take charge of their fate, who are not impotent, expendable pawns pushed along in other people's chess games.

An analogous movie comes to mind, "12 Years a Slave". The screenplay has been nominated for an Oscar for best adaptation. It is based upon a real episode in the abominable history of slavery in the United States. In 1841, Solomon Northup, a free black man residing in upstate New York, is abducted and sold into slavery.

It's not his choice. His objective goal is to win back his freedom. But, as the story plays out, he is dependent on the kindness of others to achieve that goal. He can't achieve that goal by himself -- does that conform to the standard template of how a protagonist is supposed to rise to the challenge, overcome a flaw, and use his character strengths to win the goal by his own wits and effort?

Or take "Slaughterhouse Five", a faithful adaptation of Kurt Vonnegut's book based upon his own experiences as POW in the closing days of WW2. What is Billy Pilgrim's objective goal other than to survive and go with the flow as he is unstuck in time?

What positive objective goal does Oskar Matzerath have, the protagonist of "The Tin Drum", adapted from G?nter Grass's novel about living through the Nazi era in Germany? (Oskar's negative objective goal is to refuse to grow up.)

nicholasandrewhalls Good points. Let's see I can spark.

For the past 70 years, WWII has been sanitized and romanticized almost beyond recognition by "the sentimental, the loony patriotic, the ignorant, and the bloodthirsty." False Flags is drama of course, but seen through the eyes of a young peasant leaving his boring farm behind it's a whole new world too. At least until the reality of the battlefields catches up. Can you imagine the protagonist's inner conflicts?

Maybe overlooked but the title "False Flags" does hint on the theme in many ways. Not knowing more it just can tease, AFTER you've read or seen the story it explains the theme. It's a story of wannabe patriotism. The recurring theme is the fact that in times of war you have absolutely no control over your life. Too many False, too many Flags. Fighting for the false flag etc.

The story of a boy who has to NO CHOICE other than to protect his family ? a classic and universal tragedy trying to do the right thing, and maybe making the wrong choice for the right reasons,? The terrible role of sheer chance is always present.

To enlighten. False Flags begins one week before the invasion of Poland, the mental state in Germany and Poland. False flag operations and the destruction of the blitz. Expulsion of Poles and Jews, Germanization during occupation. War theaters in Norway, Ukraine and Germany pass by and demonstrate how WWII led to death and destruction of the German Reich.

About the role of the Soviets and Poles. It is hinted and felt he cannot return home which is a fact too.
My father defected and was 2 more years in the 2nd Polish Corps, earned The Italy Star.
But that's another story.

Thank you for the dialogue, much appreciated.

Hey Fred. I agree with you entirely - don't explain any more about your actual story than what should be in the logline.

I'm obviously not communicating my meaning to you very well. Survival is, as you say, the most primal need of all people. I understand that your story is about this character trying to survive. But survival itself is not able to be visualised, it is an abstract concept. It fulfils the section of the logline which relates to the STAKES of the story ... but not the goal.

(An EVENT happens to a FLAWED CHARACTER, so now they must overcome this ANTAGONIST to achieve this GOAL, in order for the STAKES to eventuate, or not).

So what I'm saying is, you've got a character and conflict I'm clear on, and I understand that he wants to survive ... but I have no idea what your movie is actually about, and if I was a potential buyer or reader for your script I would be very nervous about that. This could be an intimate story about a group of young Polish soldiers marching to the front line, or it could be a Saving Private Ryan sized war-epic. The budgets of those two movies, and the saleability of them, is so MASSIVELY different, I would want to be clear about what I'm getting myself into before I even opened to page 1. Clarifying the GOAL will help.

What does your character need to do to survive in your film ... that when it either happens or does not happen, I as a reader or an audience member know whether the hero has succeeded or failed?

The Pianist's logline is good in the sense that I understand what this film will be about is a character hiding in the ruins of Warsaw. I know that if he gets caught, he has failed, but if he outlasts the war in hiding he has succeeded.

Gravity was HUGELY successful this year, and it was all about survival too. But when I tell someone about it, I don't say "It's a movie about an astronaut who gets stranded in space and has to survive." I tell them, "It's a movie about an astronaut who gets stranded in space and HAS TO GET BACK TO EARTH."

"Twist of fate" is a superfluous string of words. Every single movie ever made begins with a twist of fate ... that is how story structure works. An EVENT happens to your protagonist to shake them out of the drudgery of their everyday life ... "fate twists" to send them on their adventure. I would still recommend dropping that from the logline.

Your original logline, and revised, doesn't work for me. I think the concept is strong - at its heart, a soldier who doesn't believe in a cause is forced to fight for that cause - and there is a lot of conflict in your character. But aside from knowing that he has to fight in a war, I don't know what THIS movie is about.

Thank you for your comment, appreciated. I could explain more about the screenplay but that would be wrong, the reader sees the logline first. Indeed it must be clear and entice.

You say "to survive" is too vague. Don't you agree that is the primal need of every person? Of course we have seen many movies with brave men sacrificing themselves. Superheroes are popular because they cannot die. The good guy hits everything, etc. My protagonist is the average guy, one of the 98% of soldiers shooting 20.000 bullets for every kill. Sounds boring? Of course you can bet my screenplay is much more. Anyway, I've found a way out of this and took the word "freedom.".

"Twist of fate" is the best word to emphasize the obstacle. I even want to add "cruel."
"An anti-Nazi Polish patriot." sounds overdone to me. Doesn't everyone know the German-Polish conflict that started WWII? Good, that's exactly where my story comes in.

Let's have a look at the The Pianist logline:

A devout Jewish musician and pianist, living in Nazi-occupied Poland, must witness his family being systematically kidnapped and forced into labor (death) camps. He escapes capture and is forced to hide by living amongst the ruins of destroyed Warsaw.

The antagonist is difficult to pinpoint. He meets many, in different circumstances, in various places, and cannot be described as one person or force. How about?

"In World War II a patriotic boy is ready to die for his Poland. By cruel twist of fate the Nazi tyranny conscripts him into the German army. Distrusted among German comrades while faceless to Allied rounds his odyssey becomes a quest to freedom."

My original logline below was not understood or to weak?

When Nazi Germany blitz his Poland, a patriotic boy is dragooned into the Wehrmacht to save his family. The oppressed adventure takes him far from home and God, to hell.

Thanks again. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Nicholasandrewshalls raises some important issues that arise from the fact that so many WW2 movies have already been done. What makes this unique, different from them?

I'm hooked on the story because my ancestors immigrated from western (modern) Poland when it was part of Prussia; consequently I've always had a keen interest in the history of that sorely afflicted region.

What frames story in my mind is the theme of patriotism.

Act 1: A patriotic young Pole is forced to fight for the Germans.
Act 2a: He suffers but survives the ordeal war,
Act 2b: and as the Germans are pushed back and defeated he hopes to be repatriated to a liberated and reborn country.
Act 3 His hopes are dashed by the Soviet occupation and his own patriotism is called into question by both his community and the new regime. He faces not only social ostracism but imprisonment in a Soviet forced labor camp. (Which is, in fact, what the Soviets did with many German POW's.)

But Mr. Wohlert's story based upon his father's harrowing war experiences may have something totally different in mind. All I'm saying is readers of a script and a log line are looking for a framing construct: either an objective goal on the part of the protagonist or a theme running through the story.

When the standard objective goal of characters in a war is mere survival --when they are caught up by historical forces beyond their control and comprehension (as in "All Quiet on the Western Front")-- than the alternative is to frame the story with a theme. Does "False Flags" have a recurring theme? An idea that serves as a clothesline on which all the various incidents are hung?

I mean - what's the objective goal, for this character, in your story? What is the visual metaphor you have chosen that will indicate to me, the reader or viewer, when I see it unfold before me on screen, that your protagonist has either achieved or failed to achieve his goal? Is it to blow up a specific target? Escape an overrun position? Get himself or some other cargo to a specific location? Lead a mutiny against his megalomaniacal commanding officer? "To survive" is too vague.

"Twist of fate" does nothing to me as a reader to increase conflict. I see what you're saying, that the opening of the logline as I've suggested doesn't highlight the irony of a very anti-Nazi soldier being forced to fight for the Nazis. So perhaps:

"An anti-Nazi Polish patriot is conscripted into the German army during WWII ..."

Still needs a second half to really grab me ... I do want to know what your movie is about.

Finally, regarding your antagonist; the Nazis can be antagonists in a general sense, sure, but if you're writing this to be sellable (and considering you're working on a logline, I have to assume that's the goal) you need a "face" for that antagonistic force. An actual character that embodies the chief source of opposition to your protagonist achieving his objective goal, as described above.

Europa , Europa, the story of Solomon Perel has a similar issue but is still quite another drama. Solomon Perel must hide his Jewish identity. My father was known as booty Pole.? so enemies on both sides.? refers to the German and Allied soldiers, making it hard to defect. What sets this story apart is the inner and outer struggle wearing his enemy?s uniform. He didn?t volunteer.

My original logline had it all but was not understood or to weak?

When Nazi Germany blitz his Poland, a patriotic boy is dragooned into the Wehrmacht to save his family. The oppressed adventure takes him far from home and God, to hell.

In wartime the goal and stakes are survival. The antagonist is of course Nazi Germany.

The reader will not see the conflict. Reason for me to emphasize with "twist of fate."

Ugh ... sorry, maybe this works better?

"A young Polish patriot is conscripted into the German army during WWII ..."

But the second half is still missing.