On a remote maple farm, an ethereal encounter brings cryptic visions to a neglected teenager determined to engineer a new vacuum system that will revolutionize maple production.

Intrusions

3 reviews

CraigDGriffiths Singularity · 20,463 pts

Perhaps focus on one thing. " neglected" is the teen hoping to get more recognition? Why determined with the system? These may be great points, but they don't give the story movement. You will find the line. I had a 62 word logline which the group helped focus. Changed the entire topic and made it great and only 30 words. Three production companies have looked at it now. None from the original long line.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

This logline is a little cryptic. Without more information it is hard to see the direction of the story.

Is it 'How to train your Maple Tree' type of story where a son has a better way to save his family's struggling maple farm and his father does not trust him? That's one possibility.

Or is it an 'Aliens' type sci-fi where the cryptic messages are coming from outer space and telling the youth to build some device which puts the planet in danger?

Can't tell from the description. Pretty vague.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Is there any danger to the lead character? Can't tell from this logline.