9 reviews
Why would a spy focus ?time and energy targeting a mere grunt, a soldier? ?What information or access to military intelligence does he have that the Nazis want? ?What makes him such a valuable target?
Your explanation seems to lack an inciting incident - you said - "?if she does not make the decision to betray her family of spies?".
The event that motivates her to betray her family of spies is the inciting incident, and needs to causally connect with her goal - to save the soldier.
Secondly describing the stakes as "...a plot that threatens them both?" is too vague, best you describe the danger in detail - execution, made into medical examination subjects?or put in a death camp what ever they are clearer stakes are better.
This is wonderful feedback. Thank you.
So, your guess is pretty close to the story. ?Which?makes me feel okay because perhaps I may not have a horrible story just a sub-par log line :)
Here is the quick summary of the plot - Part of her job and the group of spies she is working with is to seduce allied soldiers of interest and obtain information. ?This is something that actually happened. ?(in my version, she is more of a modern bad ass, as well) ?The back story and first ten pages deal with ?her ?abrupt separation from her parents, their deaths and her seeking out an alternate "family" group ?during the war.?The Allied ?soldier never gets kidnapped, he is being set up for that. ?Himself and the men in his group(?) ?are going to be captured and murdered if she does not ?make the decision to betray her family of spies and "save" him . ?It's not as easy as just telling him because of her commitment?to her group and the watchful eye of a rival. ? The romance is her ?intellectual turning point, ?his unique character humanizes the "other".
I really appreciate your feedback. Extremely helpful. Thanks.
I am going to sit on your advice over night and write a new logline tomorrow. ? Hopefully, I get closer. :)
If you have any time to give feedback on this, I would greatly appreciate.